The Value of Prayer...

There have been studies of 'studies' that have shown that there can be a small difference in the results of an experiment involving subatomic particles that are observed directly by a human being, vs. the results being monitored mechanically and analysed after the fact. In theory, what this sort of demonstrates is that the human will can affect or help shape reality at the subatomic level. This goes forward to helping to define what quantum physics is and does in the universe. One of the major tenants of quantum physics (unless I have completely misunderstood it) is that every point in the universe is connected to every other point regardless of distance. If you think about the Gaea theory and the 'butterfly effect' you may sort of get the idea on a more restricted level; if a butterfly in the Brazilian jungle flaps its wings in distress, the long term effect/consequence is a snow storm in Edmonton.

So, where am I going with this? Be patient...

I don't have a lot of respect for most of the organized religions of the world, and the horrors committed in the name of God. I have discovered that I have far less respect for Christian and Islamic churches than most, with Judaism coming up in third place. I don't understand why God does His/Her job the way He/She does, and I am highly offended by the way in which the various churches use it to their advantage. Interpreting the 'Word of God'... what a scam.

But somewhere within all of the silliness and the deception and self-serving behaviours of the churches, they do help the individual who takes so much on 'faith' to focus their thoughts into the very useful commodity of 'prayer'.

Prayer, meditation, chanting circles and similar locuses that focus the unlimited power of human thought and imagination ties back into the earlier vague discussion about quantum physics and the interconnectedness of everything with everything else.

And then on to my central thought... that the prayers of those around me, for me, actually do make a difference in my recovery. By focusing your thoughts on me, for me, to me, at me, you've set up a ripple in the subatomic, in whatever fabric holds the universe together that ultimately helps me to find my place in universe, that holds me, feeds me, heals me. And for that, I thank you all.

First Run at Physio

And when the dust settles on the surgery, it seems as if there is always some sort of impact on the spinal accessory nerve. Which is not to say that there aren't other areas that will require some sort of physical remediation. For instance, in my case, there is a fairly large (4 cm x 5cm) area on my left forearm that was used to create the 'flap' that replaced the tissue removed from the back of my throat. This area was then replaced by a graft from my thigh. The 'therapy' necessary is to ensure that full articulation of the wrist and fingers is maintained. But today's visit to physio was focused on the spinal accessory nerve.

As you may or may not know, the spinal accessory nerve controls the muscles in the shoulder. For me, the pain is quite extreme at times. I am self medicating with Tylenol 3s, but have begun toying with ibuprofen as an alternative. It seems to be almost adequate for the type of pain that I am experiencing.

All that really happened today was that the therapist (Brad) did an assessment... sort of like poking his fingers into the Pillsbury dough boy on both sides of the shoulders to assess reactions. I remained on my back throughout the main portion of this exam, with only a small time on my front so he could really feel what was going on. Through this rather passive approach, he managed to identify those areas of my shoulder that remain numb, and which areas are already starting to bounce back. He also managed to discover how much my left side is compensating for the damage to the right side.

He did suggest that I not sit too much, as it promotes 'rolling' of the damaged shoulder forward. He suggests walking, being very conscious of my posture and being in an almost constant state of movement; get up and move about every 10 minutes.

Brad is evaluating the surgical reports and will build the proper treatment for me based on that.

When did the art of living become so complex that we forgot how?

We, in the urban centres, have forgotten how to grow our own wholesome, righteous food.
We have forgotten how to shop for the food we don't grow for ourselves.
We have forgotten how to prepare the foods, how to cook the foods, how to dispose of the leftovers and waste.

Where did the cancer come from? I stopped smoking 17 years ago. And yet people who smoked when I did and continued do not have any problems today. I don't drink that much; people who drink far more have no problems, yet.

The source has to be something more insidious... something in my world, my environment, that's been skulking around for some time, and finally decided to make its presence known. But what the hell is it?

Healthcare System Complaints? Got none again today...

Shortly after 8:30 pm mountain time last evening, my surgeon, Dr. David Williams called to let me know what was happening with the pathology on the samples taken during the surgery on the 26th of November. Now, think about this. At 8:30 pm a surgeon calls a patient. This call is made at the end of what was probably a very busy day. In fact, knowing what we do about David, this call was probably made at the end of another surgery... Norman Cousins once said: "Nothing is more essential in the treatment of serious disease than the liberation of the patient from panic and forboding." This guy, this David Williams, he gets it.

Now, the substance of the call last night was this:
Of the 41 lymph nodes removed from the right side of my neck during the neck dissection only one was contaminated. And that one was the secondary tumour that sent me to the doctors in the first place. It was, when removed, 4 cm x 4 cm in size. And, of the samplings taken from the left side of the neck, none of them was contaminated. Tissue removed from the area surrounding the primary tumour, no additional cancerous material was found. In short, it looks like THEY GOT IT ALL!

We will, of course, still submit to the radiation and chemo therapy treatments that will be designed based on this new information.

There is a lot of relief around here. I, personally, have never doubted that the team would get it... this may be a silly attitude to take, but it just never occurred to me that they wouldn't.

Moving onwards, again

Okay, I will admit that I am still trying to organize my thoughts, trying to figure out how to present the observations and feelings I have about my recent surgeries, so this blog is a bit lame at the moment. There are two thoughts that I will share right now, that I will put into some sort of context in a day or so once I work out a structure for the blog.

Thought One: When you first wake up in ICU after having a tracheotomy done, you feel like you can't breathe... which is actually not true. For me, my sinuses are usually so full of crap that I can feel the 'resistance' of taking each breath. Each movement of air through my sinuses is felt, heard (internally) and instinctively understood that a breath has been taken. Once trach'd, I couldn't feel the resistance. I woke up in ICU and because of the lack of resistance and sensation thought that I couldn't 'take a breath'... and panicked. There's nothing to panic about; they've got you. It took me about fifteen minutes to intellectualize it and get my panic under control. And for some reason, David, the ICU nurse, told Gail that they let me do my own breathing faster than they do most people in ICU; they took me off the ventilator faster, letting me breathe for myself, but left me with the oxygen and the humidity. So basically, it seems that its about 'control' issues. I'm not entirely sure how to show you and assure you, but somehow you need to understand how you breathe, and be able to intelluctualize the tracheotomy. Just remember: don't panic. The staff is there to help you, and they will NOT let you suffocate.

Thought Two: Don't discount the effects of the surgery on your shoulder. My right shoulder is just killing me! And its largely 'cause of the surgery and the damage/changes/bruising done to the spinal accessory nerves during the neck dissection. Get into physio as soon as possible...

December 7, 2007: Home again, home again, jiggety, jig...

I'm pretty sure that the date stamp on this post will show as December 8, 2007, however I am writing it at 2:00 am, mostly 'cause I just can't sleep. So I'm counting this as December 7, 2007.

The big news is that I am actually writing this from my home! Yes, my home!

I realize that there is a bit of a disconnect here, with my previous post being November 20, 2007. I did manage to complete or somehow hand off or close off the stuff that needed doing;

• paperwork at the office,



• finished up the training that I desperately wanted to present,



• got all the letters and documentation needed to handle my short term leave,



• attended the two preparatory clinics (audio/speech and the pre-admission clinics), had a wonderful day with our daughters strolling up and down Whyte Avenue, followed by a delightful dinner at Cul ina, and overnighting at the Met



• brunch with my mother and father, uncle, aunt, older brother and sister-in-law



• was treated to a wonderful dinner by John and Nancy, who not only hosted Gail and I, but my family and the girls. For this I will be eternally grateful.

and still made it to the hospital on time for my 5:30 AM checkin and prep for surgery.

And now, I have been discharged from hospital and am sitting at my home office workstation, banging on these keys, to share the news that the hospital and the doctors have determined that I have recovered sufficiently from my surgery to be allowed to go home.

For anyone keeping track, the timeline looks like this:
Day One: November 26, 2007: Surgery; approximately 12 hours (I need to verify that one and get back to you on it).
Day Two: November 27, 2007: ICU; measured from end of surgery to transfer to ward, it looks like about 24 hours.
Day Three through Day Eleven; November 28, 2007 through December 6, 2007: on the ward. Details to follow in another post.
Day Twelve: December 7, 2007: Home; actually sitting in my pajamas, drinking a juice from my fridge by 1:30 PM.

Not bad, eh? Especially not bad to go from a neck dissection and a radical mandibular resection (mandibular swing), have the tumour excised, forearm flap built, installed and the skin grafts coped with, salivaria gland transplants, the doppler wiring having come and gone, with an amazingly small tracheal scaring and such to walking out of the hospital, eating 'diced' foods (tonight Gail cooked me an amazing piece of fresh salmon, with mashed potatoes and chopped fresh green beans!), speaking with only a hint of the 'cotton ball mouth' effect. In the coming days I will be detailing the sequences, with photo backup as available. Gail has been sweet enough to take photos specifically for this blog and other presentation formats that I want to work with.