...not as traumatic as you'd think...

So, the next morning when I took Elijah out for his usual morning walk, he definitely did not want to be walking, running or any of the other forms of gamboling that he normally did... In fact, after he'd done his business, he laid down until I gave him the command for 'home'. He wasn't interested at all in going anywhere but home.

We had made the appointment with the vet the previous evening...to be the last appointment of her day so that we wouldn't have to deal with other owners, other animals. If, after she had a look at Elijah, she disagreed with our assessment, she promised to tell us and advise us accordingly. But if it was time, she would give us the information we needed to make the final.

As I was prepping (or should that be 'primping') to leave the house, G. sat with Elijah and had a little chat with him. She assured me that he was ready to let go... that it was all getting to be a bit too much. Now I normally don't put a lot of stock in some of the things that G. says that she 'feels', but this time I realized that she might be more in tune with the dog than one would think.

And the tears began...

Once loaded into the jeep, Elijah became visibly relaxed. The rocking motion of the jeep as comfort? Could be...

Once at the vet's, Elijah seemed almost relieved. We got to the waiting room, realized that there were still way too many animals there, and quickly ushered Elijah out to play in the snow. Elijah was born in winter and has always had an afinity for the snow and the cold. He burrowed in it the way other dogs try to burrow in dirt and sand. But he tired very quickly, and simply lay in the snow, periodically thrashing as though trying to create one last snow angel.

I slipped back into the waiting room to let the staff know that we were outside, while G. and K. stayed with Elijah. G. and K. waiting out in the cold is an unusual occurence, so you can pretty much understand how concerned they were.

One of the staff recognized me, and asked me to bring Elijah in through a staff only door. Walking 'big dog' through the waiting room was a heartbreaker. Normally Elijah and I would have had a tussel while I tried to convince him to leave the other beasts behind; this day he lead me through the door that the staff member held open for us. It was even tougher when he lead me directly to the euthanasia room. Damn... he actually knew where to go and what he was essentially giving us permission to do.

G. and K. had brought his favourite blanket and a pillow that he sometimes favoured (meaning that he would steal it off the couch and hump it!). Making up a bed for him on the stainless steel tabletop seemed important. Elijah paced, waiting, impatiently...

The vet reassessed big dog, and concluded that it definitely was time... that he had been stoically concealing his pain (and frustration) from us until it had reached this point... the point that he just didn't have the energy to hide it anymore.

It was time...

...the Monday morning after...

Its been a tough weekend...

Late Friday afternoon, G. left work early to go home to prepare for an event planned in her honour for that evening... and discovered that our very sick dog (lymphosarcoma) had gotten very much worse. (I had walked him that morning and noticed that he was taking way too much time to trot through the same distances that we had done together for years. He was also having obvious trouble 'lifting his leg'. I didn't mention this to G., not wanting to distress her and add an additional concern to what was scheduled to be a horrendous day for her.) When she phoned me in near hysterics, I immediately called the vet and asked that she call G. at home to discuss where we were.

The 'time' had come, and I knew it. I'd been expecting it since we got the diagnosis four weeks ago. But still, for piece of mind, G. needed to verify it. The vet, sweet lady that she is, laid the groundwork for the difficult conversation that I would have to have with G. when I managed to navigate the public transit system to get home.

Its amazing how slow the buses are on a Friday afternoon when you absolutely must get somewhere... but that also gives one time to reflect, to think, to start making plans and planning the things that need to be said.

Its also pretty amazing how the 'self preservation' reflex kicks in when you're dealing with tough subjects like this one. Its actually taken me eight days to get back to finishing this post... eight days, not all of which were filled with other more important things. There were the times when I thought about what I would write here, and then turned away from the keyboard, quite deliberately...

So, the Friday evening started with a long, weepy discussion about the 'right thing to do'... and whether or not that time had come.

Our youngest daughter was called... and she came. And we all went off to a party to celebrate G.'s latest accomplishments. But it was all pretty flat. Its amazing what understated joy there is in the pets we love... and the knowing that losing one kinda sucks the joy right out of it all.

Both G. and K. decided that they would build beds on the floor and sleep with Elijah. But Elijah didn't sleep. He was so wracked with pain that he wimpered and whined most of the night. And we knew that the decision we had made was the right one.

Why is it so hard to make the same decision for people who are in unbelievable, unrelievable pain?

There will be more on this... its just too late to continue. And I'm sitting in a strange hotel room, in barely familiar city, missing my wife... and my dog.

... got distracted from the purpose.

Somewhere in the last few months I lost track of what I intended... and got distracted from the purpose of this blog. In fact, I completely forgot that I had started this.

Okay, so I'm back... sorta. Well, kinda... At least I'm thinking about the blog and what should be in it.

I'm composing this while trying to eat my lunch at my desk, and while formulating a strategy for coping with the volume of work that awaits my attention... hoping for a bit of privacy, and yet not wanting to ignore or insult my coworkers who flit by my desk at times like this. Bloody moths! Open something personal and they are right there... drawn like moths to a flame. But have a particularly aggravating conundrum and they are no where to be found...

Same Sex Marriage and the Alberta Government

What are they so afraid of?

The caucaus of the governing party in Alberta has decided (with only one dissenting vote: Yay! for Gary Marr) that it will use the 'Notwithstanding' clause as a way to block any federal Same-Sex Marriage legislation being used in Alberta. This decision comes after their Solicitor General and the head of the party (Ralph) warned them that the use of the 'Notwithstanding' clause won't work, legally. So, what are they so afraid of? And what are they doing with taxpayers' money?

The court challenges to use the 'Notwithstanding' clause will potentially cost the Alberta taxpayer millions of dollars. Those dollars would be better spend on things that really matter, like Family and Social Services, child poverty, affordable housing, seniors' drug plans... but the Alberta Conservative Party doesn't seem to think so. They believe that its important to send some sort of very expensive message to Ottawa.

What are they so afraid of?

Or is it that the Alberta Conservative Party is afraid that 'society' is evolving? And maybe they just don't like the direction? This party, which has formed the government of this province, is supposedly in favour of less government, more privatization, more personal freedom (although we have yet to see 'accountablity' as part of that equation) and generally supporting the pursuit of personal wealth through minimal regulation. So, what is the financial gain from the banning of gay marriage?

I have heard that same sex marriage will add costs to the 'social safety net'. I don't understand how bestowing all the rights and privilidges of marriage on several thousand couples will so damage the safety net that we will all be at risk...

What are they so afraid of?

Are they concerned about a redefining of the institution of marriage and its effect on the family? I've heard the phrase "traditional definitiion of marriage" bandied about. Ya, so what? What is a traditional marriage, anymore? Hell, what is a traditional family? How does a guy and a gal in love, with his ex-wife and their children, and her ex-husband and their children, plus their common children, not to mention the different sets of grandparents, fit into the traditional view of a family?

Picking a fight that you have been advised by experts you can't win one (and one of the experts is a most contentious politician of some renown and supposedly has the respect of this caucaus) is an act of desperation or extremism. In some corners of this province, one can imagine that it is either. But one would expect that the governing party would manage to sift through all the rhetoric and hype and avoid the emotional pitfalls of this debate.

But then again, this party, and therefore this government, is a better sampling of the real population than most provinces. Not a lot of these folks are professional politicians, nor have they been exposed to the quasi-socialist agenda that so many believe drives the Universities in this country. So, to hope that they are not on the verge of desperation, or not to be succumb to the extremist views of the vocal few may be expecting too much of them. Or maybe there is something really serious going on here...

Is this merely a first step on some long overgrown and all but forgotten Alberta Conservative Party road to abolish divorce, decry the legality of common law marriages, combined with the uncovering of a hidden agenda to force the women in sanctified marriages back into the home and out of the business world so that the Alberta Conservative Party doesn't have to participate in a nationally mandated day care program sponsored by the federal Liberal Party?

It can't possibly be a pandering, subservience recognition of the more outspoken, slightly militant Christians in the province? Nah, couldn't be that... the Christian church throughout history has demonstrated that it is capable of evolving along with society. And also, of course, because the greatest of the Christian doctrines is summed up in the so-called "Golden Rule"; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just this simple statement alone empowers the church to offer the same rights and priviledges to gays as to heterosexual couples.

So we still haven't answered the question: What are they so afraid of?

Is it the bias and bigotry of their constituents? Or their own?

Or is it just another way they feel that they can thumb their noses at a federal Liberal government?

What are they so afraid of?

Circles... and cycles

Watching it... watching the world go by... I've been watching it for nearly fifty years, paying attention in varying degrees depending on where I am in my life cycle. And I've started paying attention again recently...

It strikes me, more and more, that the observation "What goes around, comes around" is just way too true.

The use of 'circles' and 'cycles' in literature as metaphor for the natural order of things has been a fairly common practice. In fact, one can first see the use of the circle/cycle in ancient mythologies... nature as a cycle of birth>>maturation>>death>>rebirth. Most agrarian cultures throughout the world identified phases of the life cycle and developed rituals of celebration and supplication for the important phases... and some of it got kinda nasty, with varying degrees of sacrifice and other stuff that I won't go into here, at least for the moment. But let it just stand that the mythologies or fledgling religions were concerned with the cyclical nature of their experience...

Even the Greeks and Romans incorporated the birth/rebirth cycle into their religious observances. Demeter and her patient wait for the return of Persephone from the Underworld to announce Spring is just another attempt to explain, quantify and take the mystery out of the cycles of nature. Each culture has made the attempt to demystify the seasons, to explain the unexplainable existence of the universal lifeforce. Or would it be a more accurate statement to say that those societies tried to explain the magic and give it an even greater place of honour by wrapping it in stories rife with personifications that reflected the foibles and imperfections of their own lives?

Once you get past the basis of their mythologies, their early dramas also contained significant symbolism based on the concept of cycles and understanding of the interdependancies at work. Cause and effect became part of the cycle. And with each new 'cause' the cycle wobbles and extends, and grows and evolves. Our ancestors' mythologies went from explaining why the weather was bad ("Oops! We forgot to sacrifice the virgin this year!") to attempting to define and teach concepts of morality ("What do ya mean if I kill my father and sleep with my mother, my luck will turn bad?"). We grow... as individuals and as societies.

Each generation still needs to return to visit the ground already covered. Fashion is full of graphic examples of the generations mimicking each other...

Eventually, as language developed, some bright thinker coined the phrase "What goes around, comes around". And it truly does seem to... historians are constantly reminding us. "There is nothing new under the sun". "He who does not learn from history is condemned to repeat its mistakes".

But with each passing 'cycle', we move forward, sometimes incrementally, sometimes with great strides, sometimes with the sedate plodding of the tortoise, and sometimes with the erratic bursts of the hare. Each cycle adds a bit of something to the development of society, contributing to society's evolution, effecting change. Unfortunately, it is not always for the better... which is always a debatable point. Growth, development, change is always good; stagnation is the worst thing that could happen to us. That stagnation hits us all at some point in our lives, but rarely do the societies of the world slow to stall point.

And now as I tally up a half century of experiences, the cycle has my attention for a few wobbling rotations... watching it.