Lately I've become fascinated by 'memory' and how it seems to work.... or not work in my case. I've been reading some interesting books and magazine articles where the memories of the authors are so rich in detail that I actually question my own memories, or the authors' truthfulness. Why is it, for instance, that I can't remember what my favourite shirt was when I was six years old, and these writers can? Or better still, why is it that they remember every gory detail about their treatments (yes, I've been reading cancer stuff, again) and I don't? My memory filing box is a disorganized mess.
But the memory isn't like a filing cabinet, with everything stuffed into neat folders and consigned to one or another drawer. The memory is more like a large, mostly placid pond. Our daily experiences are lightly sprinkled on the surface, some floating for a while, some sinking out of sight almost immediately, spinning, swirling down into the darkness of the still water, and some, well, the wind catches them and tosses them high into the clouds, chaff that has no real meaning to us, and easily discarded. Now, all the bits and pieces that remain floating on or near the surface of this metaphorical memory pond are the bits and pieces that we recall easily, referencing over and over, gently sinking out of sight as we stop examining it, using it. All of the stuff which lost its buoyancy and settled to the bottom of the pond are things that have slipped out of our mind's easy reach, but which can be recovered, with effort. Imagine taking a stick and stirring up the mud and silt at the bottom of the pond. With enough churning, its pretty amazing what can be brought to the surface, again.
I can, with time and effort, remember a great deal that I thought lost to me, like a few favoured shirts, a chance encounter with a nest of yellow jackets, or the nastier details of my treatment. But what I find most challenging is trying to arrange it all on a proper timeline. So with that favourite shirt, how old was I? And why, when I think of that shirt, I think of a completely unrelated event that is no where near it on the timeline? Going back to the pond analogy, there is so little control over what all gets brought to the top; the churning creates turbulence, artificial currents that pull far more to the surface than expected, and in some cases, wanted.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
The real impact was from...
Yesterday I was reviewing all I've been through in the last 18 months, mentally forming the time line into a glass sphere, like a Caithness paperweight, and holding it up to the light, twisting and turning it to look at it from all angles and I found a view that startled me.
The cancer was a threat, there is no question about it. But the effects that I am still feeling and will carry with me for life are a direct result of the treatments and NOT the actual cancer. The scale of the trauma to my body to treat a small tumour lodged in a tonsil seems all out of proportion. It seems sorta like trying to control dandelions with Agent Orange, pruning roses with a chain saw or swatting mosquitoes with a sledge hammer. The optics are just so extreme!
With the cancer at the time of diagnosis, I had one single swollen lymph node. My throat got a bit irritated if I spoke for too long. And that's it. It was the treatments that really made me unwell for the better part of a year.
There was the time lost to the surgery and the protracted healing, followed by the chemo and radiation therapy which kept me physically ill for the better part of 4 months and in a weakened state for the better part of a year. The treatment approach cost me a tooth, and a split jaw, and a tiny plate to hold it all together again, not to mention the facial and neck scars. The use of my tongue continues to be a chore, and eating is just a bore because of the effort and the reduced taste sensations. I lost most of my saliva glands to the radiation treatment and now have an ongoing challenge with dry mouth syndrome. I can't grow a full beard because of the radiation, yet I feel that I must maintain my goatee to hide the scar.
My hearing is diminished because of the cysplatin chemotherapy, and I'm getting really tired of the little glockenspiel player that accompanies my tinnitus.
My right shoulder still has areas of numbness, tends to roll forward, and always feels 'tight' because of the damage done to the controlling nerves when removing lymph nodes from my neck. My left forearm is significantly scarred and my left hand is weakened by the forearm flap. And my left thigh has an oddly symmetrical scar from where they took skin to overlay the left forearm damage.
So when you look at it all in a certain light, you really do start to wonder if the medical community can't find a slightly less invasive set of treatment protocols. So much damage for such a small thing.
And then when you consider that the same tumour is capable of wreaking enough havoc in the body to kill 21% of the estimated 35,720 new cases expected in the USA in 2009, maybe the full body trauma isn't quite so extreme.
The cancer was a threat, there is no question about it. But the effects that I am still feeling and will carry with me for life are a direct result of the treatments and NOT the actual cancer. The scale of the trauma to my body to treat a small tumour lodged in a tonsil seems all out of proportion. It seems sorta like trying to control dandelions with Agent Orange, pruning roses with a chain saw or swatting mosquitoes with a sledge hammer. The optics are just so extreme!
With the cancer at the time of diagnosis, I had one single swollen lymph node. My throat got a bit irritated if I spoke for too long. And that's it. It was the treatments that really made me unwell for the better part of a year.
There was the time lost to the surgery and the protracted healing, followed by the chemo and radiation therapy which kept me physically ill for the better part of 4 months and in a weakened state for the better part of a year. The treatment approach cost me a tooth, and a split jaw, and a tiny plate to hold it all together again, not to mention the facial and neck scars. The use of my tongue continues to be a chore, and eating is just a bore because of the effort and the reduced taste sensations. I lost most of my saliva glands to the radiation treatment and now have an ongoing challenge with dry mouth syndrome. I can't grow a full beard because of the radiation, yet I feel that I must maintain my goatee to hide the scar.
My hearing is diminished because of the cysplatin chemotherapy, and I'm getting really tired of the little glockenspiel player that accompanies my tinnitus.
My right shoulder still has areas of numbness, tends to roll forward, and always feels 'tight' because of the damage done to the controlling nerves when removing lymph nodes from my neck. My left forearm is significantly scarred and my left hand is weakened by the forearm flap. And my left thigh has an oddly symmetrical scar from where they took skin to overlay the left forearm damage.
So when you look at it all in a certain light, you really do start to wonder if the medical community can't find a slightly less invasive set of treatment protocols. So much damage for such a small thing.
And then when you consider that the same tumour is capable of wreaking enough havoc in the body to kill 21% of the estimated 35,720 new cases expected in the USA in 2009, maybe the full body trauma isn't quite so extreme.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Re-connecting
The thing about reconnecting with old friends after a significant time out of touch is that they help you to remember other 'wheres' and other 'whens'. The challenge about reconnecting with old friends after a significant time out of touch is that they help you to remember other 'wheres' and other 'whens' with startling clarity. As the expression goes, 'the truth will out'!
I'm sitting in Calgary this morning, in my sister's living room, waiting until its time to go pick up G. from the airport. She is returning from a three week visit to her family in the UK. And no, I didn't go. I only go every other trip so the family doesn't have to deal with me each time, and can focus on G. And its also so I don't have to deal with the family... ;-) its not always a holiday, and I do have so few days each year.
I came down to Calgary yesterday to finish off the work we started on K's motorcycle last weekend. And it all worked. It started. I got to ride it from the designated storage area to its summer home. All went well.
Then we had dinner with an old friend... a gentleman that I originally met at university, and worked with at the Citadel. K did dinner at her townhouse. And we had a lovely time. It was the conversation that gave rise to my opening statements.
We talked about the interesting, and good things that we had done while working together, or at least within each other's orbits. For instance, I had forgotten that he was one of the three of us who worked with Richard Rose to establish the Necessary Angel Theatre Company. I had forgotten that it was his wife at the time who found the T.S. Eliot quote from which we pulled the name... But then we also moved on to more unpleasant memories, like the time I had to tell him that he was persona non grata at the theatre we worked at; he became the scapegoat for an ugly communication breakdown. And of course, all sorts of other unpleasant memories came flooding back.
And we talked about where our classmates are, and others we have known. Fun little factoids, like the mean IQ of those in theatre vs. other professions and disciplines were bandied about. And of course, whenever talk about the lifestyle that is theatre (or any performance based culture, be it dance, or film, or tv) comes up, there is always a certain amount of time devoted to the agonies of the so many performers, their individual tortures, and torturers. And of course, as we get older, the conversation inevitably turns to the rate of survival. My cancer was never discussed (I do get very bored with it very quickly), but we did talk about Larry Yachimec's lung cancer, his family and the challenge they face, and Alan Duluka's (spelling?) ongoing battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
As I observed earlier, meeting up with someone like Brian again, after so much time, brings a startling clarity to the past. It is not always welcome. It is, however, very necessary in order to continue moving forward with a life, and not dwelling on a poorly remembered past constructed entirely of 'glory days' reminiscences.
I'm sitting in Calgary this morning, in my sister's living room, waiting until its time to go pick up G. from the airport. She is returning from a three week visit to her family in the UK. And no, I didn't go. I only go every other trip so the family doesn't have to deal with me each time, and can focus on G. And its also so I don't have to deal with the family... ;-) its not always a holiday, and I do have so few days each year.
I came down to Calgary yesterday to finish off the work we started on K's motorcycle last weekend. And it all worked. It started. I got to ride it from the designated storage area to its summer home. All went well.
Then we had dinner with an old friend... a gentleman that I originally met at university, and worked with at the Citadel. K did dinner at her townhouse. And we had a lovely time. It was the conversation that gave rise to my opening statements.
We talked about the interesting, and good things that we had done while working together, or at least within each other's orbits. For instance, I had forgotten that he was one of the three of us who worked with Richard Rose to establish the Necessary Angel Theatre Company. I had forgotten that it was his wife at the time who found the T.S. Eliot quote from which we pulled the name... But then we also moved on to more unpleasant memories, like the time I had to tell him that he was persona non grata at the theatre we worked at; he became the scapegoat for an ugly communication breakdown. And of course, all sorts of other unpleasant memories came flooding back.
And we talked about where our classmates are, and others we have known. Fun little factoids, like the mean IQ of those in theatre vs. other professions and disciplines were bandied about. And of course, whenever talk about the lifestyle that is theatre (or any performance based culture, be it dance, or film, or tv) comes up, there is always a certain amount of time devoted to the agonies of the so many performers, their individual tortures, and torturers. And of course, as we get older, the conversation inevitably turns to the rate of survival. My cancer was never discussed (I do get very bored with it very quickly), but we did talk about Larry Yachimec's lung cancer, his family and the challenge they face, and Alan Duluka's (spelling?) ongoing battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
As I observed earlier, meeting up with someone like Brian again, after so much time, brings a startling clarity to the past. It is not always welcome. It is, however, very necessary in order to continue moving forward with a life, and not dwelling on a poorly remembered past constructed entirely of 'glory days' reminiscences.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Just say NO to Crowne Plaza Hotels
First of all, I must admit that some days I really think that our eldest daughter has a target painted on her forehead. She has been taken advantage of yet again. And again, it was while travelling. This time it was Crowne Plaza Hotel staff.
I may have mentioned it before, but she and her younger sister are pregnant. As part of her attempts to celebrate both the pregnancy and her thirtieth birthday, she decided to accompany Gail to England to visit her grandparents. Unfortunately, the pregnancy is not without its complications, and she was forced to return home early. The challenge was in finding a flight. She returned on May 15th.
This decision to return, and the date of the flight presented a logistics problem. The rest of the family (grandmother, grandfather, mother, aunt, uncle, uncle's mother) were all booked onto a flight to Spain on the same day FROM A DIFFERENT AIRPORT! The family was flying out of John Lennon Airport in Liverpool, while J. would be flying out of Manchester. The solution to the logistics issue was that J. would spend the night at a hotel at the Manchester airport. They chose the Crowne Plaza, largely because breakfast was included.
Okay, we all got that? The Crowne Plaza, Manchester Airport.
One of the trials and tribulations of J.'s current status is that she does not possess a credit card. It was determined that Gail would go to the hotel to check J. in, and pre-pay the bill. At the time of check in, they did verify that breakfast was included, although at this point they don't really know what the very inarticulate clerk really did say. Can you imagine putting someone on the front desk who is effectively unintelligible? Unthinkable.
During the course of the evening stay, for whatever reason, J. decided that she needed to call A., the friend who would be picking her up at the airport in Calgary. She contacted the front desk to discuss how they might accomplish this. The front desk said that if she would leave a deposit of 30 pounds (just shy of $60 CDN), they would 'switch on' her phone's international call capabilities for ten minutes. J. went to the lobby desk to hand over the money, passing on her way, a British Telecom pay phone. Once at the desk, she asked instead for change for the pay phone, but the woman behind the desk went to great lengths to assure J. that the 30 pound hotel phone call was the better option. And besides, if the call didn't last the 10 minutes, she would be entitled to a refund. J. went back to her room having paid the deposit. Once back in her room, she discovered that the phone wouldn't work for outgoing calls. It took two trips from the onsite technician to make the darn phone work. Funny how they have an onsite technician... does that tell you anything?
J. is really quite frugal and careful about some things. She set the timer on her watch for 10 minutes, made the call and hung up when her 10 minutes was up. A.'s phone records can actually confirm the time spent on that call.
The next morning J. went to breakfast, then to check out. Now, because she had pre-paid, she could have simply dropped the key in the fast check out box, but being both frugal and honest, she decided to check at the desk to see if she could get some money back, or to pay in case she exceeded the 10 minutes by a minute or two. She was shocked to discover two things. First, she owed 15.95 pounds for the supposedly included breakfast (which was a yoghurt and some fruit), and 168 pounds for a 68 minute phone call. When you factor in the 30 pound deposit she paid, that is 213+ pounds, or $381.82 CDN for a phone call and a breakfast that was complimentary!!! (conversion rates are based on overnight rates: 1 GBP to 1.784 CDN. Thank goodness it wasn't weeks ago when the pound was at 2+.)
It might be deduced that the broken phone that was repaired twice because it wouldn't open an international line then held the line open after she had hung up for an additional 58 minutes. Although, if you assume that there is a 'default' setting on the phone lines (which most digital lines will have), it probably closed down after 60 minutes of inactivity, a nice round number, meaning that J. only used 8 minutes of her time.
There was no reasoning with the staff. There was even the threat that the police would be called. They held J. in a small room, browbeat her, threatened her, delayed her until she was at risk of missing her flight even though they themselves admitted that the phone was probably at fault. But they wanted her money. They scared J., making her ill, and in desperation, she wrote them a cheque. They continued to keep her confined until they could confirm that the cheque had cleared. Obviously they've done this sort of thing before, because they knew how to efficiently process an out-of-country cheque. Interesting for a chain that purports to only handle credit cards and cash.
Our complaints have fallen on deaf ears. In fact, we have received no response at all, not even a confirmation that they have received our messaging. J. has contacted the hotel directly; I have used the complaint form online and sent emails to various high level managers in the UK and North America. They obviously don't give a damn about employees taking advantage of an honest, unwell pregnant woman travelling on her own.
Crowne Plaza Hotels should be ashamed of themselves for the behaviour of their staff. In fact, I suspect and consider this particular little group to be thieves, and definitely extortionists. Should we be concerned that this little cabal has proven that they can extract funds from J.'s bank account?
Please think twice about giving Crowne Plaza and IHG your business in the future. I will be making our corporate travel office aware. We, as a family, won't be doing brunch at the local Crowne Plaza anymore, and I can assure you that the business meetings I have planned for the next quarter will no longer be at a Crowne Plaza, or an IHG subsidiary.
Bloody Crowne Plaza!
I may have mentioned it before, but she and her younger sister are pregnant. As part of her attempts to celebrate both the pregnancy and her thirtieth birthday, she decided to accompany Gail to England to visit her grandparents. Unfortunately, the pregnancy is not without its complications, and she was forced to return home early. The challenge was in finding a flight. She returned on May 15th.
This decision to return, and the date of the flight presented a logistics problem. The rest of the family (grandmother, grandfather, mother, aunt, uncle, uncle's mother) were all booked onto a flight to Spain on the same day FROM A DIFFERENT AIRPORT! The family was flying out of John Lennon Airport in Liverpool, while J. would be flying out of Manchester. The solution to the logistics issue was that J. would spend the night at a hotel at the Manchester airport. They chose the Crowne Plaza, largely because breakfast was included.
Okay, we all got that? The Crowne Plaza, Manchester Airport.
One of the trials and tribulations of J.'s current status is that she does not possess a credit card. It was determined that Gail would go to the hotel to check J. in, and pre-pay the bill. At the time of check in, they did verify that breakfast was included, although at this point they don't really know what the very inarticulate clerk really did say. Can you imagine putting someone on the front desk who is effectively unintelligible? Unthinkable.
During the course of the evening stay, for whatever reason, J. decided that she needed to call A., the friend who would be picking her up at the airport in Calgary. She contacted the front desk to discuss how they might accomplish this. The front desk said that if she would leave a deposit of 30 pounds (just shy of $60 CDN), they would 'switch on' her phone's international call capabilities for ten minutes. J. went to the lobby desk to hand over the money, passing on her way, a British Telecom pay phone. Once at the desk, she asked instead for change for the pay phone, but the woman behind the desk went to great lengths to assure J. that the 30 pound hotel phone call was the better option. And besides, if the call didn't last the 10 minutes, she would be entitled to a refund. J. went back to her room having paid the deposit. Once back in her room, she discovered that the phone wouldn't work for outgoing calls. It took two trips from the onsite technician to make the darn phone work. Funny how they have an onsite technician... does that tell you anything?
J. is really quite frugal and careful about some things. She set the timer on her watch for 10 minutes, made the call and hung up when her 10 minutes was up. A.'s phone records can actually confirm the time spent on that call.
The next morning J. went to breakfast, then to check out. Now, because she had pre-paid, she could have simply dropped the key in the fast check out box, but being both frugal and honest, she decided to check at the desk to see if she could get some money back, or to pay in case she exceeded the 10 minutes by a minute or two. She was shocked to discover two things. First, she owed 15.95 pounds for the supposedly included breakfast (which was a yoghurt and some fruit), and 168 pounds for a 68 minute phone call. When you factor in the 30 pound deposit she paid, that is 213+ pounds, or $381.82 CDN for a phone call and a breakfast that was complimentary!!! (conversion rates are based on overnight rates: 1 GBP to 1.784 CDN. Thank goodness it wasn't weeks ago when the pound was at 2+.)
It might be deduced that the broken phone that was repaired twice because it wouldn't open an international line then held the line open after she had hung up for an additional 58 minutes. Although, if you assume that there is a 'default' setting on the phone lines (which most digital lines will have), it probably closed down after 60 minutes of inactivity, a nice round number, meaning that J. only used 8 minutes of her time.
There was no reasoning with the staff. There was even the threat that the police would be called. They held J. in a small room, browbeat her, threatened her, delayed her until she was at risk of missing her flight even though they themselves admitted that the phone was probably at fault. But they wanted her money. They scared J., making her ill, and in desperation, she wrote them a cheque. They continued to keep her confined until they could confirm that the cheque had cleared. Obviously they've done this sort of thing before, because they knew how to efficiently process an out-of-country cheque. Interesting for a chain that purports to only handle credit cards and cash.
Our complaints have fallen on deaf ears. In fact, we have received no response at all, not even a confirmation that they have received our messaging. J. has contacted the hotel directly; I have used the complaint form online and sent emails to various high level managers in the UK and North America. They obviously don't give a damn about employees taking advantage of an honest, unwell pregnant woman travelling on her own.
Crowne Plaza Hotels should be ashamed of themselves for the behaviour of their staff. In fact, I suspect and consider this particular little group to be thieves, and definitely extortionists. Should we be concerned that this little cabal has proven that they can extract funds from J.'s bank account?
Please think twice about giving Crowne Plaza and IHG your business in the future. I will be making our corporate travel office aware. We, as a family, won't be doing brunch at the local Crowne Plaza anymore, and I can assure you that the business meetings I have planned for the next quarter will no longer be at a Crowne Plaza, or an IHG subsidiary.
Bloody Crowne Plaza!
Motorcycle ride to Calgary and back
I actually accomplished the rather macho act of riding my motorcycle to Calgary and back. I was quite pleased with how comfortable a ride my motorcycle, a Honda Shadow Aero 750T, was. There were no issues with my back, although my 'sit bones' really started to cause me concern. 'Numb bum' syndrome became quite painful. I gotta get me a better pad for the seat if I'm going to do long rides like that again. My knees were a bit stiff when I got off the bike, but I did try to stop every 100 kilometers or so to keep things limber. I also need to discover the best way to manage the throttle. At one point my hand started to tingle; it was 'going to sleep'.
It all started off with a plan to ride out to Jasper and back during this long weekend, but once I went through the weather forecasts carefully (sailing does teach you some things!) and realized that I am not yet ready to ride through spring snow in the mountains, or protracted bouts of rain on the Yellowhead highway with the accompanying winds, I decided instead to just do a round trip to Calgary and back. At one point, it was to be a ride to Calgary, then loop out to Banff, Louise, Jasper and home. But once the weather forecasts were studied, I decided on a safer and more comfortable course of action.
The reason for the Calgary stopover was to visit with my sister, and to help her get her motorcycle on the road. We're doing that in two steps. Step one was Saturday when we pulled the battery out her bike to charge it up. And that was a bit of a chore. I should have taken a better selection of wrenches with me. In the end we had to go to Blackfoot Motosports to buy a set of socket wrenches and a battery charger. With the proper tools, it was a breeze to pop off the seats, disconnect and then remove the battery. Step Two will be next weekend when I go back to Calgary (in the convertible this time), nominally to pick up Gail at the airport when she returns from the UK. We'll reconnect the charged battery and see what's what.
By the way, the kid behind the counter at Blackfoot Motosports (they're all kids to me, anymore) was really very cool in how he dealt with Kathleen and I. Respectful, helpful, and didn't once point out that we didn't know what the heck we were talking about... a really nice retail experience.
Once the battery was out, my sister headed off to Banff with a friend. I was going to shadow them, but, referencing the weather again, I headed the other way... out to Chestermere and then snaking north. And that was a bit of a challenge, with all the construction, and the gravel roads in the area. I wobbled my way onto Highway 2, then off, then back on... trying to find a comfortable ride, all the way to Red Deer. A temperature drop made up my mind about diverting all the way over to Drumheller, which I probably should have just done, anyway. I had the gear to keep warm; I just didn't put it on. Unfortunately I was on the highway when I passed Lacombe. Its a lovely little town, and I would have liked to have visited it again, but didn't realize that I'd scooted past until it was impractical to make the detour. After missing Lacombe, I did get onto to Highway 2A, and very much enjoyed the scenic route back into Edmonton.
I know that I made the right decision about not going into the mountains. Temperatures were a bit too cool... and yesterday there were high winds and rain coming out of the west. This morning, we've got snow.
One of the things about Alberta is the distances involved, and the straight lines. I think that a ride of that distance would be so much more enjoyable in areas with more frequent population centres, or with a bit more windiness to the roads, and trees and landscape to moderate the wind, and more than just prairie scenery. I know that I can ride the distance now; its about finding a route that appeals to me. I do want to try going into the mountains. So the trick is how to arrange the trip to include Gail. I don't think that she'd enjoy riding on the 'bike with me. But, if she and some friends drove in a car and met me at some predetermined points along the way... hmmmm... something to consider...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
EPSB reverses Superintendent's position
The following was lifted from the EPSB internal bulletin board site:
Superintendent of Schools ends travel restrictions
May 6, 2009 - After reviewing the latest information regarding the H1N1 Influenza outbreak, the Superintendent has suspended all restrictions on staff and student travel.
Effective May 7, the District will allow students and staff to resume air travel within Canada as well as all international field trips and district business trips.
The District will continue to monitor the H1N1 influenza outbreak and is prepared to make additional adjustments should circumstances change in the future.
For the sake of context, be aware that this statement was released after a three hour closed door meeting with the elected School Board Trustees.
Similar action has been taken by the Catholic School Board.
Superintendent of Schools ends travel restrictions
May 6, 2009 - After reviewing the latest information regarding the H1N1 Influenza outbreak, the Superintendent has suspended all restrictions on staff and student travel.
Effective May 7, the District will allow students and staff to resume air travel within Canada as well as all international field trips and district business trips.
The District will continue to monitor the H1N1 influenza outbreak and is prepared to make additional adjustments should circumstances change in the future.
For the sake of context, be aware that this statement was released after a three hour closed door meeting with the elected School Board Trustees.
Similar action has been taken by the Catholic School Board.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Time to change the Superintendent of Schools
Having listened to Edmonton Public Schools Superintendent Edgar Schmidt on the local CBC Radio One this morning, and thinking back to what a number of elementary school teacher friends have mentioned to me in the recent past, I believe that it is time to find a new Superintendent.
This man is accepting and acting on bad advice.
Firstly, his decision to restrict all out-of-province travel (air and ground) for the students in his jurisdiction is, in my mind, misguided. The only reason to make such sweeping statements, and invoke such sweeping bans is if the insurers pulled their support. He makes no mention of that. His statements indicate that he has taken the advice of those close to him, rejecting the advice of the Ministry of Education, the Ministry of Health and Wellness, the federal Ministry of Health, and the World Health Organization.
Secondly, his refusal to reimburse parents (students) for the funds they lose through this ban is unfortunate. The Edmonton Catholic School Board (the so-called 'separate' school board) is reimbursing families for their lost funds affected by the somewhat limited ban they have introduced. By the way, my feeling about what the ECSB is doing is very similar to my reaction to the EPSB; they are being silly. Joan Carr's position as superintendent of that school district should also be reviewed.
Third; Mr. Schmidt, by silence or by active endorsement I can't say, has allowed Edmonton Public Schools to impose a new metric (measure of success) on the Elementary School System that is absolutely ludicrous. Teachers will now be measured on students' 'visible delight' with their learning. Who are the people who write these policies?
I believe that all school administrators, from the Superintendent on down through the so-called 'consultants' to the Vice Principal level should be required to spend the equivalent of one teaching month in the classroom. No exceptions.
In the meantime, get rid of Mr. Schmidt.
This man is accepting and acting on bad advice.
Firstly, his decision to restrict all out-of-province travel (air and ground) for the students in his jurisdiction is, in my mind, misguided. The only reason to make such sweeping statements, and invoke such sweeping bans is if the insurers pulled their support. He makes no mention of that. His statements indicate that he has taken the advice of those close to him, rejecting the advice of the Ministry of Education, the Ministry of Health and Wellness, the federal Ministry of Health, and the World Health Organization.
Secondly, his refusal to reimburse parents (students) for the funds they lose through this ban is unfortunate. The Edmonton Catholic School Board (the so-called 'separate' school board) is reimbursing families for their lost funds affected by the somewhat limited ban they have introduced. By the way, my feeling about what the ECSB is doing is very similar to my reaction to the EPSB; they are being silly. Joan Carr's position as superintendent of that school district should also be reviewed.
Third; Mr. Schmidt, by silence or by active endorsement I can't say, has allowed Edmonton Public Schools to impose a new metric (measure of success) on the Elementary School System that is absolutely ludicrous. Teachers will now be measured on students' 'visible delight' with their learning. Who are the people who write these policies?
I believe that all school administrators, from the Superintendent on down through the so-called 'consultants' to the Vice Principal level should be required to spend the equivalent of one teaching month in the classroom. No exceptions.
In the meantime, get rid of Mr. Schmidt.
Hypothyrodism confirmed
Damn. I've received confirmation that the radiation therapy has affected my thyroid, leaving me with a mild case of hypothyroidism.
In discussion with my doctor (David Williams) when he called me at 8:00 PM (interesting office hours) he mentioned that 10 years ago the levels of TSH in my system would have been within accepted tolerances. Its only within that 10 years that the medical profession has determined a finer scale for measurement, and have determined a finer scale for treatment. My levels were a '5' when they should have been a '4', if that makes any sense to anyone. I must admit that I'm a bit lost... right down to whether he said TSH or one of the other Ts that are in the mix. I was a bit distracted by the thought of having to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. Although, my symptoms are so minimal that I may be able to skip 'em in a pinch without disastrous effects.
We'll do blood tests in 6 weeks to see if the meds are working, then check again at six months, and then once a year for the duration. If nothing else it will enforce the discipline of the annual checkup.
I started the pills this morning. I don't expect to notice any difference for a week or so. Actually, the symptoms are so minimal that I may not notice the difference unless I consciously think about it...
In discussion with my doctor (David Williams) when he called me at 8:00 PM (interesting office hours) he mentioned that 10 years ago the levels of TSH in my system would have been within accepted tolerances. Its only within that 10 years that the medical profession has determined a finer scale for measurement, and have determined a finer scale for treatment. My levels were a '5' when they should have been a '4', if that makes any sense to anyone. I must admit that I'm a bit lost... right down to whether he said TSH or one of the other Ts that are in the mix. I was a bit distracted by the thought of having to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. Although, my symptoms are so minimal that I may be able to skip 'em in a pinch without disastrous effects.
We'll do blood tests in 6 weeks to see if the meds are working, then check again at six months, and then once a year for the duration. If nothing else it will enforce the discipline of the annual checkup.
I started the pills this morning. I don't expect to notice any difference for a week or so. Actually, the symptoms are so minimal that I may not notice the difference unless I consciously think about it...
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Are the people at CBC Edmonton just stupid?
Now that the World Health Organization has realized that calling something the 'Swine Flu' has serious perception problems for pork producers, they have started referring to the strain as the H1Ni virus, and have asked media outlets to do the same. This is not the same as BSE (Mad Cow Disease). You cannot get the H1N1 flu from pork products, especially once cooked properly. But of course with people being people there is a bit of hysteria surrounding eating pork and the flu. And with politicians being their own species of swine some countries are capitalizing on the fear and promoting local hog producers, while raising embargoes against foreign producers (China and Russia).
The team at CBC Radio in Edmonton seem to be dead set against helping to dispel the myths and continue to refer to the outbreak as 'SWINE' flu, in capital letters. Their approach is going to have even more far reaching consequences now that the residents (one worker, 200 pigs) at an Alberta hog operation have been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus.
This group at CBC seems to be taking delight in the thought that this may be the beginnings of a worldwide pandemic.
Can't they see that it would be much more fun to start referring to the virus as the Hini (heinie) Flu?
The team at CBC Radio in Edmonton seem to be dead set against helping to dispel the myths and continue to refer to the outbreak as 'SWINE' flu, in capital letters. Their approach is going to have even more far reaching consequences now that the residents (one worker, 200 pigs) at an Alberta hog operation have been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus.
This group at CBC seems to be taking delight in the thought that this may be the beginnings of a worldwide pandemic.
Can't they see that it would be much more fun to start referring to the virus as the Hini (heinie) Flu?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Whew! Its been a bit of a whirlwind of a week so far... G. is getting ready for her annual trip to the UK to visit family, and I am fighting the parameters of an engagement, and not feeling like I'm getting any traction whatsoever.
What I've got is a situation where the client is unable to articulate where they're going with something, usually taking a position that makes no sense, or that contravenes something that we have already architected for them... I make suggestions and they hold firm to their murky vision. I then bring in my supervisor(s) with the hope that they can sway the client and get them back on track, and the client then completely undermines what I've said to my supers by presenting my direction as their own personal epiphanies! I really do dislike the duplicity, and the position it is repeatedly putting me in. And then one another front, it appears that I am doing 'too much' for the client... and from the wrong direction.
It also has to be said that my immediate contact within the client organization has been 'hung out to dry' on this project, with a complete lack of supervision and direction until we reach the pain points...
Damn, but I hate it!
What I've got is a situation where the client is unable to articulate where they're going with something, usually taking a position that makes no sense, or that contravenes something that we have already architected for them... I make suggestions and they hold firm to their murky vision. I then bring in my supervisor(s) with the hope that they can sway the client and get them back on track, and the client then completely undermines what I've said to my supers by presenting my direction as their own personal epiphanies! I really do dislike the duplicity, and the position it is repeatedly putting me in. And then one another front, it appears that I am doing 'too much' for the client... and from the wrong direction.
It also has to be said that my immediate contact within the client organization has been 'hung out to dry' on this project, with a complete lack of supervision and direction until we reach the pain points...
Damn, but I hate it!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Getting ready for it... part II
And continuing the same thoughts, but for the surgery part of the question...
Depending on the surgical solution chosen, there are slightly different approaches to getting ready aligned along common themes.
Talk with the surgeon about what you're eating, drinking and taking as supplements to ensure that you, and he, understand the implications to your coagulation factors. If you won't be seeing him well before the surgery, put a call through to your GP. If he can't see you, talk to the nice folks at HealthLink. And if all else fails, call the Cross.
Put on weight. 'Bulking up' will serve you well for the next year. Unfortunately the diagnosis-to-surgery timelines are usually so tight in these instances (hooray! for a responsive health care system!) that getting the optimal amount added to your existing body mass can be really difficult. But try.
Get flexible, get strong. Yoga, tai chi. Weight training for your upper body. Work on the neck and shoulders, and your forearms and hands. Why?
The surgery will involve cutting into targeted muscles in your neck. Make sure the rest of them are strong to speed the healing process, and to ease the discomfort after surgery. Its amazing how heavy your head actually is. And, depending on the surgical option (radical neck dissection) they may need to move a couple of nerves out of the way. Just touching and moving 'bruises' nerves. This interference may affect the way they behave for some time. For instance, the surgical team needed to move my 'spinal accessory' nerve out of the way, and then allow it to move back into place. The challenge then created was that I lost control of my right shoulder musculature, allowing the shoulder to 'roll forward'. Good, strong shoulder muscles going in make the roll less pronounced, and should make it easier to straighten out over a shorter period of time. I still have problems with mine 16 months later; there is a numbness (area is reducing slowly, but definitely get smaller all the time), and I often need to consciously remind myself to stand up straight and square my shoulders. I should have done the weight training before the surgery. Damn.
You will need strong hands and forearms just to do things after the surgery. And, if you are going for the forearm flap option, your left arm (or whichever) needs to be in good shape. A strong hand will make things easier while the arm is splinted, and then while it is healing. The right arm and hand will need to compensate...
Aerobics; make sure the heart and lungs are in good shape. This could be as simple as starting a walking program, something that you'll want to follow up with after the surgery, as well.
Put together the hospital kit. You are going to be in there for 10 days plus. What are you going to do with your time? But be aware that you are going to have a bit of a problem focusing, so don't count on being able to read highly technical manuals. Crossword puzzles and sudoku will help you to bring your brain back... Reading of any kind is always good. I deliberately took my drawing pad and travelling watercolour kit to help me assess the impact of the shoulder issue; I can still draw/paint, though at first there was some major muscle fatigue. At this point, however, I must admit that my handwriting has seriously deteriorated, and that my signature is inconsistent. In an earlier era, I would suggest submitting several samples of your signature to your bank... just in case.
Buy pajamas (several sets) and at least one good terry cloth robe. Hanging around in hospital gowns is humiliating at best. Hanging around in your underwear is just being ornery, exhibitionist, and rude. Slippers; good slippers. And not those ones with no backing for the heel. I never owned slippers until this; I'm very glad that my wife thought to get me some.
Put together the home care kit. Lay in a good supply of Boost or Ensure. Soups, stews, chilis, etc. are going to become a short term staple in your diet. At one point I would have suggested getting your hands on a juicer, but we've discovered that it is less expensive, and more efficient to buy stuff, unless your are going to be making some really exotic blends. A good blender will serve just a s well, and better perhaps as it will be able make you 'smoothies'. By the way, we picked up one of those Magic Bullet blenders; its great for what you'll need in the short term. And remember to have the nurses set you up with home care visits from the public health nurse. Now the visiting nurse will make sure you've got the dressings (Adaptic) to deal with the forearm, and all of those good things. All you really need to cope with are things like the mucking gloves to cover the forearm flap wound when you shower and bathe, lots of good videos to watch, and books to read... and the self discipline to stop from getting hooked on the daytime 'soaps'. We also used this episode as an excuse to buy a new couch for our family room/lounging area. We deliberately bought a big couch, which we refer to as the 'cuddle couch', rather than one of those La-z-boy style chair to prevent me from becoming isolated. If you have to share a couch, you are more prone to maintaining physical contact with your partner... something which you both need. A 'special chair' just for you frames the mindset that allows you drift away from your family, pushing them out to arm's length, and encouraging them to start thinking of you in the third person.
Does this help at all?
Depending on the surgical solution chosen, there are slightly different approaches to getting ready aligned along common themes.
Talk with the surgeon about what you're eating, drinking and taking as supplements to ensure that you, and he, understand the implications to your coagulation factors. If you won't be seeing him well before the surgery, put a call through to your GP. If he can't see you, talk to the nice folks at HealthLink. And if all else fails, call the Cross.
Put on weight. 'Bulking up' will serve you well for the next year. Unfortunately the diagnosis-to-surgery timelines are usually so tight in these instances (hooray! for a responsive health care system!) that getting the optimal amount added to your existing body mass can be really difficult. But try.
Get flexible, get strong. Yoga, tai chi. Weight training for your upper body. Work on the neck and shoulders, and your forearms and hands. Why?
The surgery will involve cutting into targeted muscles in your neck. Make sure the rest of them are strong to speed the healing process, and to ease the discomfort after surgery. Its amazing how heavy your head actually is. And, depending on the surgical option (radical neck dissection) they may need to move a couple of nerves out of the way. Just touching and moving 'bruises' nerves. This interference may affect the way they behave for some time. For instance, the surgical team needed to move my 'spinal accessory' nerve out of the way, and then allow it to move back into place. The challenge then created was that I lost control of my right shoulder musculature, allowing the shoulder to 'roll forward'. Good, strong shoulder muscles going in make the roll less pronounced, and should make it easier to straighten out over a shorter period of time. I still have problems with mine 16 months later; there is a numbness (area is reducing slowly, but definitely get smaller all the time), and I often need to consciously remind myself to stand up straight and square my shoulders. I should have done the weight training before the surgery. Damn.
You will need strong hands and forearms just to do things after the surgery. And, if you are going for the forearm flap option, your left arm (or whichever) needs to be in good shape. A strong hand will make things easier while the arm is splinted, and then while it is healing. The right arm and hand will need to compensate...
Aerobics; make sure the heart and lungs are in good shape. This could be as simple as starting a walking program, something that you'll want to follow up with after the surgery, as well.
Put together the hospital kit. You are going to be in there for 10 days plus. What are you going to do with your time? But be aware that you are going to have a bit of a problem focusing, so don't count on being able to read highly technical manuals. Crossword puzzles and sudoku will help you to bring your brain back... Reading of any kind is always good. I deliberately took my drawing pad and travelling watercolour kit to help me assess the impact of the shoulder issue; I can still draw/paint, though at first there was some major muscle fatigue. At this point, however, I must admit that my handwriting has seriously deteriorated, and that my signature is inconsistent. In an earlier era, I would suggest submitting several samples of your signature to your bank... just in case.
Buy pajamas (several sets) and at least one good terry cloth robe. Hanging around in hospital gowns is humiliating at best. Hanging around in your underwear is just being ornery, exhibitionist, and rude. Slippers; good slippers. And not those ones with no backing for the heel. I never owned slippers until this; I'm very glad that my wife thought to get me some.
Put together the home care kit. Lay in a good supply of Boost or Ensure. Soups, stews, chilis, etc. are going to become a short term staple in your diet. At one point I would have suggested getting your hands on a juicer, but we've discovered that it is less expensive, and more efficient to buy stuff, unless your are going to be making some really exotic blends. A good blender will serve just a s well, and better perhaps as it will be able make you 'smoothies'. By the way, we picked up one of those Magic Bullet blenders; its great for what you'll need in the short term. And remember to have the nurses set you up with home care visits from the public health nurse. Now the visiting nurse will make sure you've got the dressings (Adaptic) to deal with the forearm, and all of those good things. All you really need to cope with are things like the mucking gloves to cover the forearm flap wound when you shower and bathe, lots of good videos to watch, and books to read... and the self discipline to stop from getting hooked on the daytime 'soaps'. We also used this episode as an excuse to buy a new couch for our family room/lounging area. We deliberately bought a big couch, which we refer to as the 'cuddle couch', rather than one of those La-z-boy style chair to prevent me from becoming isolated. If you have to share a couch, you are more prone to maintaining physical contact with your partner... something which you both need. A 'special chair' just for you frames the mindset that allows you drift away from your family, pushing them out to arm's length, and encouraging them to start thinking of you in the third person.
Does this help at all?
Getting ready for it...
Recently I've started a bit of a correspondence with someone out there who is just getting onto the treatment treadmill after having received a 'qualified' diagnosis of a stage 4 Metastatic Spindle Cell Squamous Carcinoma. I'm not entirely sure where it sits in his throat. This is not the same person who is dealing with the tumour around their thyroid...
In any event, one of the questions asked was about what one "should do to physically or mentally prepare for the quadroscopy or with the surgery when that time comes?."
Right off the bat I can give one suggestion that the surgeon would really appreciate: stop any alternative therapy or supplements that could be thinning your blood or inhibiting coagulation at least three days before the procedure. Take a hard look at the extra vitamins, the iron supplements and stuff you are taking, including the apricot pits (laetrile) and the oriental mushroom teas for what they are doing to your blood. You don't want to present a bleeding problem while you are on the table, either for the quadroscopy or the surgery.
Get flexible! The quadroscopy in particular will tax your upper body muscles. What they do, in effect, once you're under the anesthesia is to adjust your position on the table so that your head is tilted way back so that your mouth-to-throat-to-esophagus-to-stomach is as straight a line as possible to make it easier for the quadroscopy tools to slip in and out, reducing the actual trauma to the tissues... But the way they position your body puts a lot of stress on the upper torso. Imagine lying on a hard surface with your head and shoulders hanging over the edge and you'll get an idea of the effect. Lie down somewhere and try it for a moment (with someone with you to support your head!) to understand the effect on your musculature. Your chest is gonna hurt later (maybe next day). If you can do some muscle strengthening and stretching exercises for a few days prior, that would be a good thing. In my website, and elsewhere on this blog I mention 'yoga'; time to seriously think about it. Also, on the day of the procedure, do the same exercises just before they wheel you into the operating theatre, to loosen things up.
The quadroscopy itself is more scary to contemplate than it truly is. The effects you will feel are the muscle pain from the body manipulation, and possibly a sore throat... This is a diagnostic procedure for discovery, not a surgical solution. It is not intended or designed for major impact to tissues through removal, or other collateral damage.
You will go to and return from the hospital the same day. But do remember that you will be put 'under', therefore don't plan on driving yourself home at the end of the day...
Try being inquisitive with the staff; be 'chatty', friendly, maybe even funny if its a normal part of your nature. It will affect how they deal with you. A surly ass gets treated as one. The openly terrified get patronized. If you want to be treated with respect and humanity, act like you deserve it; don't demand it.
In any event, one of the questions asked was about what one "should do to physically or mentally prepare for the quadroscopy or with the surgery when that time comes?."
Right off the bat I can give one suggestion that the surgeon would really appreciate: stop any alternative therapy or supplements that could be thinning your blood or inhibiting coagulation at least three days before the procedure. Take a hard look at the extra vitamins, the iron supplements and stuff you are taking, including the apricot pits (laetrile) and the oriental mushroom teas for what they are doing to your blood. You don't want to present a bleeding problem while you are on the table, either for the quadroscopy or the surgery.
Get flexible! The quadroscopy in particular will tax your upper body muscles. What they do, in effect, once you're under the anesthesia is to adjust your position on the table so that your head is tilted way back so that your mouth-to-throat-to-esophagus-to-stomach is as straight a line as possible to make it easier for the quadroscopy tools to slip in and out, reducing the actual trauma to the tissues... But the way they position your body puts a lot of stress on the upper torso. Imagine lying on a hard surface with your head and shoulders hanging over the edge and you'll get an idea of the effect. Lie down somewhere and try it for a moment (with someone with you to support your head!) to understand the effect on your musculature. Your chest is gonna hurt later (maybe next day). If you can do some muscle strengthening and stretching exercises for a few days prior, that would be a good thing. In my website, and elsewhere on this blog I mention 'yoga'; time to seriously think about it. Also, on the day of the procedure, do the same exercises just before they wheel you into the operating theatre, to loosen things up.
The quadroscopy itself is more scary to contemplate than it truly is. The effects you will feel are the muscle pain from the body manipulation, and possibly a sore throat... This is a diagnostic procedure for discovery, not a surgical solution. It is not intended or designed for major impact to tissues through removal, or other collateral damage.
You will go to and return from the hospital the same day. But do remember that you will be put 'under', therefore don't plan on driving yourself home at the end of the day...
Try being inquisitive with the staff; be 'chatty', friendly, maybe even funny if its a normal part of your nature. It will affect how they deal with you. A surly ass gets treated as one. The openly terrified get patronized. If you want to be treated with respect and humanity, act like you deserve it; don't demand it.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Meeting with the surgeon...
This morning I met with the surgeon who did all the work on my neck/throat to excise the oropharyngeal carcinoma in late November of 2007... about 16 months ago. The last time I saw him was in August of 2008, 8 months ago. Since then, he and his wife have had their fourth child... but this blog is about me, not him. Nice guy, though.
On we go...
The examination went well... aside from the fact that he produced that damned fibre optic scope that he seems to take great pleasure in feeding through my right nostril and down into my throat to have a look around.
The good news is that everything looks 'really good'. There isn't any bad news, only one area of concern.
I went in with a list of complaints/observations; thank goodness for G. If not for her, I would never track some of these things, let alone write them down for reference. The list today looked something like this:
On we go...
The examination went well... aside from the fact that he produced that damned fibre optic scope that he seems to take great pleasure in feeding through my right nostril and down into my throat to have a look around.
The good news is that everything looks 'really good'. There isn't any bad news, only one area of concern.
I went in with a list of complaints/observations; thank goodness for G. If not for her, I would never track some of these things, let alone write them down for reference. The list today looked something like this:
- swallow is changing; becoming more of a challenge
- reflux and heartburn; recurring way too much
- tongue issues; burning sensation, loss of taste, odd sensations
- intermittent coughing
- hiccups, burping (gas)
- hearing; much better. The guy you sent me to was wrong!
- joint pain, muscle pain/fatigue, especially in lower extremities when inactive for a time
- swollen saliva gland; is it ever going to go down?
So, the basic exam went well. He probed and prodded and stuck his fingers in my mouth to feel around. Structurally, everything looks good. There is no evidence of anything new.
The list;
1. The swallow will continue to change as I continue to heal. He recommended that I follow the advice from the speech people at iRSM (once Compru). If, in three or four months the swallow is still problematic, I should be going back to them to get a fresh view on the situation.
2. Dr. Williams prescribed prevacid to get the reflux under control. We'll give that a try for a couple of months. If that doesn't address the problem, then he may need to 'scope me (or refer me to a gastroenterologist) to find out what's going on there. He, initially, thinks that its probably just a by-product of the new swallow challenge.
3. It sounds like the tongue issues are all part and parcel of the lingual nerve repairing itself. He seems quite confident that over time it will all be back to normal. Yay!
4. Intermittent coughing. He believes that it may be part of the reflux issue. But as he was talking about all of that, he wrote up an order for a chest x-ray.
5. Hiccups, burping (gas) he put down as part of the reflux issue as well. We had another discussion about the serious hiccups I had while in hospital (vegas nerve silliness), and he introduced the name of another nerve, which I promptly forgot... and I also have forgotten part of the conversation around the hiccups. But there isn't a huge concern there...
6. I did not tell him that the guy he referred me to was 'inadequate'. I just pointed out that my hearing is back to about 90% and let it go at that.
7. We had a 'light bulb' moment around the joint/muscle pain; I could be suffering from something to do with a hypo thyroid. I have to look this one up. Apparently, when we factor in a few of the other items on the list, the joint pain can actually point to thyroid issues. This little syndrome could account for a number of the other wee challenges that I've been facing, not the least of which is fatigue and some motivational issues. He has ordered a series of blood tests...
8. The lump in my neck which is the transplanted saliva gland will not shrink much more that it has already. Damn. We could start looking into cosmetic surgery, but what's the point?
Vanity?
So, generally then, things are in good shape. We'll get the reflux contained, and investigate the thyroid.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
...and its snowing!
There are some things that I just hate to be right about. This morning, it snowed, hard. Big, wet, heavy flakes of snow. It obscured my view of the High Level Bridge from the office window at the Terrace Building. And as I watched it falling a co-worker reminded me that I had predicted another heavy snowfall by April 15th...
There are some things that I just hate to be right about.
There are some things that I just hate to be right about.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
...and did I mention...
And have I mentioned that its been confirmed that I have TWO pregnant daughters? It appears that they are due within a month/six weeks of each other...
Spring MUST be here...
Today I got out my motorcycle, washed it, gassed it up, drove it for about an hour. Spring must be here...
...the reality of mortality creeping closer...
Well, I guess that it really can't be ignored any longer. We need better maintenance. We're starting to wear out. The warranties have expired. I'm getting older. Those around me are getting older. As we get older, we start to wear out. And yes, getting sick is just another way of wearing out...
This past year I lost an aunt... the third member of my parents' generation to move on. Two uncles, and an aunt. We start thinking about, planning about how we'll deal with it when our parents are gone. But on some level that's expected. We expect our parents to go before us. Its when our friends, our contemporaries start to falter that uncertainty sets in.
My illness made a lot of the people I know take pause. I never really understood it. In my naivete, it never occurred to me that I could have died from the cancer. Typical. I just didn't get it.
Somewhere in the time line that chronicles my illness, there was a blip that marked the heart attack of an actor we know. He lived. That was startling. (The attack, not the surviving!)
About ten days ago, another actor/musician/comedian of our acquaintance died of a heart attack at 41 years old.
We have recently learned of another actor who has been diagnosed with lung cancer; we're told that it is decidedly terminal, though we can't find anyone who can say anything about it with any technical certainty. I suppose that because we (or at least me!) has been through something similar, I want to be told about it in language with a bit of certainty. You know, one of those 'it fits in this box' kinda of discussions. I'm a little disheartened on his behalf because of the fatalism in the conversations I've read on line... people have him dead and buried, but haven't been presenting the backup information. What stage is the cancer at? What have the doctors actually said? Is there any sort of treatment protocol planned?
Okay, so where am I going with this line of thought? 'Not sure, really.
So the warranties on my generation have now expired. Okay. What now? Maintenance. Good maintenance. Regular checkups. Awareness of changes.
Hmmm... I may have to come back to this post to reframe it a bit. It's coming off a bit depressed; I'm not being depressed, just thoughtful...
This past year I lost an aunt... the third member of my parents' generation to move on. Two uncles, and an aunt. We start thinking about, planning about how we'll deal with it when our parents are gone. But on some level that's expected. We expect our parents to go before us. Its when our friends, our contemporaries start to falter that uncertainty sets in.
My illness made a lot of the people I know take pause. I never really understood it. In my naivete, it never occurred to me that I could have died from the cancer. Typical. I just didn't get it.
Somewhere in the time line that chronicles my illness, there was a blip that marked the heart attack of an actor we know. He lived. That was startling. (The attack, not the surviving!)
About ten days ago, another actor/musician/comedian of our acquaintance died of a heart attack at 41 years old.
We have recently learned of another actor who has been diagnosed with lung cancer; we're told that it is decidedly terminal, though we can't find anyone who can say anything about it with any technical certainty. I suppose that because we (or at least me!) has been through something similar, I want to be told about it in language with a bit of certainty. You know, one of those 'it fits in this box' kinda of discussions. I'm a little disheartened on his behalf because of the fatalism in the conversations I've read on line... people have him dead and buried, but haven't been presenting the backup information. What stage is the cancer at? What have the doctors actually said? Is there any sort of treatment protocol planned?
Okay, so where am I going with this line of thought? 'Not sure, really.
So the warranties on my generation have now expired. Okay. What now? Maintenance. Good maintenance. Regular checkups. Awareness of changes.
Hmmm... I may have to come back to this post to reframe it a bit. It's coming off a bit depressed; I'm not being depressed, just thoughtful...
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Happy Anniversary; Happy Birthday
Today is my parents' wedding anniversary. 56 years. Not bad in this day and age. Although I suspect that the real accomplishment is getting through the first 30...
Today is also my Dad's birthday. He's had his share of challenges over the years and managed them all fairly well with my mother's not inconsiderable help; a small brain tumour (acoustic nueroma? I never get that right!), prostate cancer, terrible problems with his teeth, an ongoing structural issue with his bladder/urethra, and three sisters...
They say that if you can get through your fifties, you are in it for the long haul.
Today is also my Dad's birthday. He's had his share of challenges over the years and managed them all fairly well with my mother's not inconsiderable help; a small brain tumour (acoustic nueroma? I never get that right!), prostate cancer, terrible problems with his teeth, an ongoing structural issue with his bladder/urethra, and three sisters...
They say that if you can get through your fifties, you are in it for the long haul.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Another Award for the Lady
G. has received yet another award acknowledging her commitment to the Arts, to the Community and to Children. Her contributions were recognized by being named as a "Woman of Distinction" by the local chapter of the United Nations as part of the International Woman's Day celebrations. Very cool!
Another milestone reached...successfully
For the past three days I have been presenting 'stand up' training for a group of clients... essentially lecturing for 7 hours a day, for those three days. And I am overjoyed to report that the trainee feedback forms made absolutely no mention of any issues with my voice, my diction, or anything negative that might be associated with the fallout from my cancer battle. And these folks were workmates of a group who, the week before, complained long and loud about the diction and accents of my two teammates' presentation. Not significant, you say? One of the forms actually said that the instructor (me) 'spoke clearly'. Some of them were aware of the problems from the previous session. But about me, they were very complimentary.
Well, I did have one guy mention that he thought I was a little nervous... I suspect that my body language is a little skewed because of my shoulder... but even that is nearly back to normal. I did catch myself clasping my hands in front of me, rather than crossing my arms, which would be the more comfortable stance. I'll rationalize that one away by suggesting that I am aware that crossing one's arms is a signal of defiance and being closed to input and discussion. I would prefer to think that I am trying to remain 'open' to my students... but looking nervous? Damn. I'll have to work on that...
During the three days I did feel at times like I was slightly slurring my words, and my mouth, particularly my lips, got very dry at points. But no one had to ask me to repeat anything.
I think that my immediate supervisor has breathed a sigh of relief as well... he called at the end of the first day to ask how it went. The relief was evident in his voice; he even commented that he was confident in my assurances that it went well because my voice sounded so good over the phone. You know, I've had this feeling that he was delaying assigning the training to me, taking it on himself when he really didn't have the time, prepping the other team members to deliver the training because he wasn't sure I would ever be up to it...
Wow. I'm sure glad that I made it through without any ill effects. Now that I have proven I can actually do it, I will start concentrating on the curriculum and adding my own spin to the presentation. It (the curriculum) was tuned up while I was away, but even still I am not totally comfortable with what it is. We do license it from a third party, so I will have to be a little bit careful with what I do to it. My 'national roadshow' doesn't get started in earnest until late April, so I do have plenty of time. Although, there is a really strong possibility that I will be going to Washington, DC at the beginning of April to do some training for a group within our American practice that is supporting one of our major American clients.
Well, I did have one guy mention that he thought I was a little nervous... I suspect that my body language is a little skewed because of my shoulder... but even that is nearly back to normal. I did catch myself clasping my hands in front of me, rather than crossing my arms, which would be the more comfortable stance. I'll rationalize that one away by suggesting that I am aware that crossing one's arms is a signal of defiance and being closed to input and discussion. I would prefer to think that I am trying to remain 'open' to my students... but looking nervous? Damn. I'll have to work on that...
During the three days I did feel at times like I was slightly slurring my words, and my mouth, particularly my lips, got very dry at points. But no one had to ask me to repeat anything.
I think that my immediate supervisor has breathed a sigh of relief as well... he called at the end of the first day to ask how it went. The relief was evident in his voice; he even commented that he was confident in my assurances that it went well because my voice sounded so good over the phone. You know, I've had this feeling that he was delaying assigning the training to me, taking it on himself when he really didn't have the time, prepping the other team members to deliver the training because he wasn't sure I would ever be up to it...
Wow. I'm sure glad that I made it through without any ill effects. Now that I have proven I can actually do it, I will start concentrating on the curriculum and adding my own spin to the presentation. It (the curriculum) was tuned up while I was away, but even still I am not totally comfortable with what it is. We do license it from a third party, so I will have to be a little bit careful with what I do to it. My 'national roadshow' doesn't get started in earnest until late April, so I do have plenty of time. Although, there is a really strong possibility that I will be going to Washington, DC at the beginning of April to do some training for a group within our American practice that is supporting one of our major American clients.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The kid and her husband got back from what he was describing before they left as their 'last vacation'. I suspect that he sees a major change in their lifestyle with the imminent birth of their first child. Hey, it made me laugh...
The trip wasn't the best.
They went to the Dominican Republic and were extremely disappointed by it. Customer service levels were not what they've come to expect from their experiences in Cuba and St. Lucia, or even in Mexico. The food, especially the preparation of meats, left a lot to be desired. It rained far too much for K.'s comfort level. And they had one driver on an excursion that had to be told to slow down because K. was getting tossed around unmercifully in the back of the jeep they were in. D. was quite concerned that she, or the baby would be hurt, so used his size, subverting his normally gentle demeanor to intimidate the driver into slowing down and driving reasonably. The ironic part is that they were on their way to do a few hours worth of ATVing on a beach... the roads must have been pretty extreme for the ride to and back from the ATV site to have been rougher than than the actually activity!
The trip wasn't the best.
They went to the Dominican Republic and were extremely disappointed by it. Customer service levels were not what they've come to expect from their experiences in Cuba and St. Lucia, or even in Mexico. The food, especially the preparation of meats, left a lot to be desired. It rained far too much for K.'s comfort level. And they had one driver on an excursion that had to be told to slow down because K. was getting tossed around unmercifully in the back of the jeep they were in. D. was quite concerned that she, or the baby would be hurt, so used his size, subverting his normally gentle demeanor to intimidate the driver into slowing down and driving reasonably. The ironic part is that they were on their way to do a few hours worth of ATVing on a beach... the roads must have been pretty extreme for the ride to and back from the ATV site to have been rougher than than the actually activity!
Well, given the frequency with which I've been updated this blog lately, I figured it was about time to do something with it, anything... so at the tail end of a fine Family Day, I've just poured myself a glass of homemade wine (from a kit; none of that squish-the-grapes-yourself stuff...too much work!) and sat down to write something. The wine isn't too terrible... but still plonk-ish at best. Maybe it will get better with age? Well, at least it's saving money, right? This low quality wine would cost at least $10.00... I can make and bottle my own for about $3.00, plus my labour... And it is a wine that doesn't dry my mouth out completely... Normally I would drink scotch. I've found that scotch does not affect my dry mouth syndrome, strangely enough. But I'm just about out, I can't bring my self to venture into the -15 C, regardless of how sunny it is...
"It never rains, but it pours..." I'm sure where that quote comes from, originally, but it sure seems to be a valid truism. Just when I was beginning to question my effectiveness at work, all sorts of things have reared up to demand my attention! Things are so busy right now that our little team had to have a meeting to try to coordinate all the work, set priorities and generally attempt to get a handle on how we're going to get to the end of March without upsetting any of our clients. I was asked to shift a couple of process assessments to April so that I could take on an increased role for the special evaluation of a set of processes at Alberta Justice. I'm also working through the build of an instruction manual for a new assessment tool, but have had to hand a big chunk of it off to another consultant.... but I am expected to guide her through it. It appears that my approach to the design of the manual is a big hit with the gentleman in charge of the project. That's two items that are really good for my ego!
At the end of next week (Saturday) G. and I fly off to Las Vegas. I am attending an ITSM Conference... she is just coming along for the ride. Kinda cool is the ability to meet with some of the minds that we consult with on a fairly regular basis... team members from as far away as Halifax, Montreal and Toronto will be there... It should be very interesting. And entertaining... we still haven't decided which shows we will try to see this time.
And speaking of conferences, I've been shortlisted as a speaker for a major ITSM conference being held in Houston, TX during September of 2009. I have a phone interview tomorrow with the selection board... who will decide if I should be permitted to pursue the opportunity. Pursuit means that I have to actually sit down and write the presentation and submit it to them by the end of March... which isn't a big deal except that...
I have two white paper proposals that have been accepted as finalists in the corporate National 'Call for Papers' competition. The finished papers are due by March 20th... One paper is 'shared' with Zubair, and the other is mine and mine alone. Unfortunately, the competition is a wee bit high profile within the firm, so I can't back out of either paper... But on the upside, the winning paper gets $5000.00, with good money for a second or third place finish as well. Hell, even being an 'also ran' after this point is a good thing, so long as the final product is of reasonable quality.
And we're embarking on a new national training initiative. We have a team of four who are prepared to present ITIL V3 certification training under the corporate logo... at this time, I've got something like fourteen three day sessions, beginning with one the week of March 9th in Edmonton, that will take me to Vancouver, Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, and Halifax, all before December 2009. I'm seriously thinking of contacting the various cancer institutes along the way to offer to do some 'guest speaking' while I'm in town... if there is a need/desire. But if the response I've had from the Cross Cancer Institute is any indication, I won't be doing much...
I'm really looking forward to the training... it is something that I really enjoy. The challenge is whether or not my voice, tongue and throat are up to talking for three days straight. I certainly hope so!
"It never rains, but it pours..." I'm sure where that quote comes from, originally, but it sure seems to be a valid truism. Just when I was beginning to question my effectiveness at work, all sorts of things have reared up to demand my attention! Things are so busy right now that our little team had to have a meeting to try to coordinate all the work, set priorities and generally attempt to get a handle on how we're going to get to the end of March without upsetting any of our clients. I was asked to shift a couple of process assessments to April so that I could take on an increased role for the special evaluation of a set of processes at Alberta Justice. I'm also working through the build of an instruction manual for a new assessment tool, but have had to hand a big chunk of it off to another consultant.... but I am expected to guide her through it. It appears that my approach to the design of the manual is a big hit with the gentleman in charge of the project. That's two items that are really good for my ego!
At the end of next week (Saturday) G. and I fly off to Las Vegas. I am attending an ITSM Conference... she is just coming along for the ride. Kinda cool is the ability to meet with some of the minds that we consult with on a fairly regular basis... team members from as far away as Halifax, Montreal and Toronto will be there... It should be very interesting. And entertaining... we still haven't decided which shows we will try to see this time.
And speaking of conferences, I've been shortlisted as a speaker for a major ITSM conference being held in Houston, TX during September of 2009. I have a phone interview tomorrow with the selection board... who will decide if I should be permitted to pursue the opportunity. Pursuit means that I have to actually sit down and write the presentation and submit it to them by the end of March... which isn't a big deal except that...
I have two white paper proposals that have been accepted as finalists in the corporate National 'Call for Papers' competition. The finished papers are due by March 20th... One paper is 'shared' with Zubair, and the other is mine and mine alone. Unfortunately, the competition is a wee bit high profile within the firm, so I can't back out of either paper... But on the upside, the winning paper gets $5000.00, with good money for a second or third place finish as well. Hell, even being an 'also ran' after this point is a good thing, so long as the final product is of reasonable quality.
And we're embarking on a new national training initiative. We have a team of four who are prepared to present ITIL V3 certification training under the corporate logo... at this time, I've got something like fourteen three day sessions, beginning with one the week of March 9th in Edmonton, that will take me to Vancouver, Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, and Halifax, all before December 2009. I'm seriously thinking of contacting the various cancer institutes along the way to offer to do some 'guest speaking' while I'm in town... if there is a need/desire. But if the response I've had from the Cross Cancer Institute is any indication, I won't be doing much...
I'm really looking forward to the training... it is something that I really enjoy. The challenge is whether or not my voice, tongue and throat are up to talking for three days straight. I certainly hope so!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Ya, I know that I'm doing a terrible job of keeping this blog updated. I'd like to say that I'm horrendously busy... but that's not entirely true. What I am is intellectually beat at the end of each day, lately. There are other things swirling around me that are emotionally draining, even though they don't directly affect me. And after evaluating all that, I just don't feel that I have something to contribute, or it isn't something that I'm comfortable discussing online, or it shouldn't be added to the drivel found on the Internet...
Since I have discovered who some of the core readers of this blog are, I find myself censoring more and more... an awful lot of "oh, that might come across as hurtful to person X" or "person Y might take issue with that" and even a lot of "well, that's none of that person's business", and even some of "will that person use it against this other person?". I've become quite sensitized...
Topics for future exploration, exploitation, or avoidance:
Since I have discovered who some of the core readers of this blog are, I find myself censoring more and more... an awful lot of "oh, that might come across as hurtful to person X" or "person Y might take issue with that" and even a lot of "well, that's none of that person's business", and even some of "will that person use it against this other person?". I've become quite sensitized...
Topics for future exploration, exploitation, or avoidance:
- personal bankruptcies--why its happening to people I know
- family dramas made more severe by the recession
- getting ready for all day training sessions again--am I really up to it?
- why is the Cross Cancer Institute ignoring my offer?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
Thoughts on the Federal Budget
I’m still not sure that I can honestly say that I agree with the Federal budget that was tabled last week. I can’t even say that I disagree with it. Damn, but I hate being so undecided about stuff like this.
After 11 consecutive years of budget surpluses, we’re sliding into deficits again. Is it needed? I don’t know that its ‘needed’, but it is unavoidable. The deficit for the fiscal year ending March, 2009 will be in the $1.1 billion range. The next year is projected at $33.7 billion. How the heck does that happen?
The Government has decided to continue with its Corporate income tax reductions. But it is not speeding them up… simply maintaining the schedule that it set previously. Couple the loss of revenue (yes, taxes are revenue) because of tax reductions with the anticipated drop in revenues because of a drop in taxable Corporate income (blame the Recession!) and right off the bat we’re down $6.3 billion.
Some of those losses in Corporate income/revenues will also translate into capital losses for individuals to use on their tax returns by applying those losses against capital gains earned in previous years. I’m not sure how far back an individual can go to balance current losses against past gains… not something I have ever really understood. Regardless, if you start to take those tax reductions into account, with the effects of the Recession, the Government is actually projecting a tax revenue reduction from personal income taxes of $5.6 billion.
Right then, so we’re starting off $11.9 billion in the hole… and that total hole for the 2009-2010 fiscal year is estimated at that $33.6 billion that I mentioned before. That is a slightly different number than the ‘spending package’ number, which includes tax incentives, of $34.8 billion.
Once the Recession is over, a chunk of that lost $11+ billion in revenue will return. But the tax revenue contribution from the Corporate sector will not be part of the recovering revenue because, on the Corporate side, they are tax cuts and not a reduction in earnings caused by the Recession. Think about that… who’s going to end up paying down the deficit when this is all over? Who will be giving up the majority of the benefits of renewed growth?
Another part of the tax reduction scenario that hasn’t gotten a lot of media play is the change to the ‘tax brackets’ for personal income tax. Right now, your basic personal deduction amount will increase by $720, from the $9,600 we’ve become used to, to a $10,320. Okay, every little bit helps, right? But are you going to save it and use it to pay down your personal debt, or are you going to spend it?
At least the Government is recognizing that the next generation will be shouldering the cost of recovery. There is a new First-time Home Buyers’ Tax Credit, and a fund, although fairly modest, for the Canadian Youth Business Foundation to support young Canadians who are starting new businesses.
I must admit that I am really disappointed that the Government has not recognized the opportunity to advance the place of the Canadian tech sector in the world. We should be moving strongly into research and development; we should follow RIM's lead (Blackberry manufacturer) and dominate other areas. Hell, we've got the brains in this country. Let's exploit them! Unfortunately the budget has little or no change to the Scientific Research and Experimental Development measures, and there is no broad stimulus for innovation. Innovation! Like making a better vehicle, less expensively! (Notice that I didn't say 'car'. And what the heck is happening to our aviation/aerospace sector?) Like new, more efficient methods to process lumber. Like more effective mining techniques. Like better refining processes for petroleum and other basic chemical building blocks used by industry. Like more ‘Star Trek’ technology, now! Sure, on a broad basis, we are an economy that thrives on its ability to exploit natural resources. But is that enough moving forward? Competition with the rest of the world and the failures in the manufacturing sector with the resultant impact on day to day life in Canada point out that it’s not enough anymore to rely on our natural resources. Why not take advantage of the current international crisis and throw some serious weight behind finding the ‘next big’ thing, and being first to market? The budget assumes that we want to move back to the status quo in manufacturing, and , quite honestly, in every other industry segment, except for projects that fall under the ecoEnergy Technology Initiative (Natural Resources Canada). And is the slight bump in funding to the National Research Council Industrial Research Assistance Program enough?
After 11 consecutive years of budget surpluses, we’re sliding into deficits again. Is it needed? I don’t know that its ‘needed’, but it is unavoidable. The deficit for the fiscal year ending March, 2009 will be in the $1.1 billion range. The next year is projected at $33.7 billion. How the heck does that happen?
The Government has decided to continue with its Corporate income tax reductions. But it is not speeding them up… simply maintaining the schedule that it set previously. Couple the loss of revenue (yes, taxes are revenue) because of tax reductions with the anticipated drop in revenues because of a drop in taxable Corporate income (blame the Recession!) and right off the bat we’re down $6.3 billion.
Some of those losses in Corporate income/revenues will also translate into capital losses for individuals to use on their tax returns by applying those losses against capital gains earned in previous years. I’m not sure how far back an individual can go to balance current losses against past gains… not something I have ever really understood. Regardless, if you start to take those tax reductions into account, with the effects of the Recession, the Government is actually projecting a tax revenue reduction from personal income taxes of $5.6 billion.
Right then, so we’re starting off $11.9 billion in the hole… and that total hole for the 2009-2010 fiscal year is estimated at that $33.6 billion that I mentioned before. That is a slightly different number than the ‘spending package’ number, which includes tax incentives, of $34.8 billion.
Once the Recession is over, a chunk of that lost $11+ billion in revenue will return. But the tax revenue contribution from the Corporate sector will not be part of the recovering revenue because, on the Corporate side, they are tax cuts and not a reduction in earnings caused by the Recession. Think about that… who’s going to end up paying down the deficit when this is all over? Who will be giving up the majority of the benefits of renewed growth?
Another part of the tax reduction scenario that hasn’t gotten a lot of media play is the change to the ‘tax brackets’ for personal income tax. Right now, your basic personal deduction amount will increase by $720, from the $9,600 we’ve become used to, to a $10,320. Okay, every little bit helps, right? But are you going to save it and use it to pay down your personal debt, or are you going to spend it?
At least the Government is recognizing that the next generation will be shouldering the cost of recovery. There is a new First-time Home Buyers’ Tax Credit, and a fund, although fairly modest, for the Canadian Youth Business Foundation to support young Canadians who are starting new businesses.
I must admit that I am really disappointed that the Government has not recognized the opportunity to advance the place of the Canadian tech sector in the world. We should be moving strongly into research and development; we should follow RIM's lead (Blackberry manufacturer) and dominate other areas. Hell, we've got the brains in this country. Let's exploit them! Unfortunately the budget has little or no change to the Scientific Research and Experimental Development measures, and there is no broad stimulus for innovation. Innovation! Like making a better vehicle, less expensively! (Notice that I didn't say 'car'. And what the heck is happening to our aviation/aerospace sector?) Like new, more efficient methods to process lumber. Like more effective mining techniques. Like better refining processes for petroleum and other basic chemical building blocks used by industry. Like more ‘Star Trek’ technology, now! Sure, on a broad basis, we are an economy that thrives on its ability to exploit natural resources. But is that enough moving forward? Competition with the rest of the world and the failures in the manufacturing sector with the resultant impact on day to day life in Canada point out that it’s not enough anymore to rely on our natural resources. Why not take advantage of the current international crisis and throw some serious weight behind finding the ‘next big’ thing, and being first to market? The budget assumes that we want to move back to the status quo in manufacturing, and , quite honestly, in every other industry segment, except for projects that fall under the ecoEnergy Technology Initiative (Natural Resources Canada). And is the slight bump in funding to the National Research Council Industrial Research Assistance Program enough?
Superbowl Surprise!
Its not the end result of the Superbowl that I found surprising. The game was very good... some really exciting end-to-end drives, that amazing full field run, and that holding-on-by-his-toenails end zone reception! I was always a bit concerned about the Cardinals' bench strength..
It's not that surprising about who got the MVP, but I still think they got that wrong (shoulda been Fitzgerald!).
What really surprised me was how G. got so into the game! She was jumping up and down, and yelling at the TV, while occasionally asking me for clarification on the rules. It was kinda neat to see her so animated about North American football...
It's not that surprising about who got the MVP, but I still think they got that wrong (shoulda been Fitzgerald!).
What really surprised me was how G. got so into the game! She was jumping up and down, and yelling at the TV, while occasionally asking me for clarification on the rules. It was kinda neat to see her so animated about North American football...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Questionable Value of Salagen / Pilocarpine
I've been trying to reach some sort of conclusion about the value of taking Salagen (aka pilocarpine) to offset the dry mouth syndrome. Well, at least I am starting to question the value for my particular situation.
Pilocarpine (or the commercial name Salagen) is touted as being one solution to dry mouth. It is supposed to actually stimulate saliva production. Now, given that I'm down to one saliva gland because of the radiation treatment, I thought that it might be something worth trying. I was initially disappointed with my doctors because they didn't suggest it right off the bat. I'm beginning to understand...
Salagen is supposed to be taken 3 to 4 times per day. Each pill costs approximately $1.25 Canadian. So based on a 30 day supply, and three times a day, you can expect to be spending $112.50 per month. Is it really worth it?
The saliva output has not increased enough after two months of taking the pills steadily to make eating a 'normal' experience again. I still need copious amounts of liquid to get through a meal. There is, however, enough saliva on a regular basis that I wouldn't be overly concerned about the dental implications of dry mouth. But there are side effects.
In theory one is to take the pill an hour and a half before eating. Okay, well that helps with taking it regularly, I suppose. You will feel a bit sweaty within forty minutes of taking the pill; and its not a hard sweat, its one of those odd 'nervous' sweats that makes you feel generally uncomfortable. Mine tends to localize on my back... chilling. My nose absolutely drips! Very disconcerting to be constantly dabbing at your nose while eating... I can just imagine the discomfort this causes those I dine with. The warning with the drug is also that you will begin to urinate buckets for a brief time; true. And, to further add to the general discomfort, your stool will get loose.
The use of the drug changes the tastes of some things. I haven't quite figured out the correlation, yet, but there is a decidedly alkaline taste associated with dark chocolate, scotch, and Swiss Chalet's 'special sauce'. It seems like the 'bitter' receptors in my taste buds are enhanced...
Also in my case, the use of the drug makes me feel that I suffer from 'cotton mouth'; my tongue feels swollen; this contributes to the shift in taste. The drug enhances the 'burning tongue' feel. G. tells me that she can't hear any difference in my speech, but it does feel odd to me, and makes me self conscious when I speak for too long. I really think I sound terrible in Spanish, murdering the oral part of the lessons G. and I are taking. This does give me some concern... I'm about to begin presenting a specialized training program at work. I can't have my tongue failing me, nor can I restrict how I present because I'm afraid that my tongue will fail.
Here is a listing of known side effects taken from www.medicinenet.com:
SIDE EFFECTS: Excessive sweating (diaphoresis) is a frequent side effect of pilocarpine. Other side effects include chills, dizziness, excessive tearing, flushing, voice change, stuffy nose, tremor, increased need to urinate, visual disturbances, diarrhea, difficulty swallowing, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and slow heart rate.
I hadn't even realized that some of the swallowing issues I've been having lately could be attributed to the pilocarpine.
So I took a couple of days off from the Salagen, and then started back, making a conscious attempt to note the effects, good and bad.
I am not convinced that using the Salagen/pilocarpine is worth the money for my situation. Masking the flavours of food, and the concern about my tongue are starting to outweigh the benefits. Other than the swallowing issue, I can live with the other side effects.
I think I know why the doctors were not quick to prescribe it for me.
Pilocarpine (or the commercial name Salagen) is touted as being one solution to dry mouth. It is supposed to actually stimulate saliva production. Now, given that I'm down to one saliva gland because of the radiation treatment, I thought that it might be something worth trying. I was initially disappointed with my doctors because they didn't suggest it right off the bat. I'm beginning to understand...
Salagen is supposed to be taken 3 to 4 times per day. Each pill costs approximately $1.25 Canadian. So based on a 30 day supply, and three times a day, you can expect to be spending $112.50 per month. Is it really worth it?
The saliva output has not increased enough after two months of taking the pills steadily to make eating a 'normal' experience again. I still need copious amounts of liquid to get through a meal. There is, however, enough saliva on a regular basis that I wouldn't be overly concerned about the dental implications of dry mouth. But there are side effects.
In theory one is to take the pill an hour and a half before eating. Okay, well that helps with taking it regularly, I suppose. You will feel a bit sweaty within forty minutes of taking the pill; and its not a hard sweat, its one of those odd 'nervous' sweats that makes you feel generally uncomfortable. Mine tends to localize on my back... chilling. My nose absolutely drips! Very disconcerting to be constantly dabbing at your nose while eating... I can just imagine the discomfort this causes those I dine with. The warning with the drug is also that you will begin to urinate buckets for a brief time; true. And, to further add to the general discomfort, your stool will get loose.
The use of the drug changes the tastes of some things. I haven't quite figured out the correlation, yet, but there is a decidedly alkaline taste associated with dark chocolate, scotch, and Swiss Chalet's 'special sauce'. It seems like the 'bitter' receptors in my taste buds are enhanced...
Also in my case, the use of the drug makes me feel that I suffer from 'cotton mouth'; my tongue feels swollen; this contributes to the shift in taste. The drug enhances the 'burning tongue' feel. G. tells me that she can't hear any difference in my speech, but it does feel odd to me, and makes me self conscious when I speak for too long. I really think I sound terrible in Spanish, murdering the oral part of the lessons G. and I are taking. This does give me some concern... I'm about to begin presenting a specialized training program at work. I can't have my tongue failing me, nor can I restrict how I present because I'm afraid that my tongue will fail.
Here is a listing of known side effects taken from www.medicinenet.com:
SIDE EFFECTS: Excessive sweating (diaphoresis) is a frequent side effect of pilocarpine. Other side effects include chills, dizziness, excessive tearing, flushing, voice change, stuffy nose, tremor, increased need to urinate, visual disturbances, diarrhea, difficulty swallowing, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and slow heart rate.
I hadn't even realized that some of the swallowing issues I've been having lately could be attributed to the pilocarpine.
So I took a couple of days off from the Salagen, and then started back, making a conscious attempt to note the effects, good and bad.
I am not convinced that using the Salagen/pilocarpine is worth the money for my situation. Masking the flavours of food, and the concern about my tongue are starting to outweigh the benefits. Other than the swallowing issue, I can live with the other side effects.
I think I know why the doctors were not quick to prescribe it for me.
Monday, January 26, 2009
A New Toy I Recommend for Everyone!
Last weekend I redeemed a gift certificate for a Nintendo Wii that I was given for Christmas, and I am really glad that I did. This thing is a joy! Its not your average computer gaming console, at all.
The actual machine, the 'console', is small... its actually smaller than some books I have. There are no wires from the console to the controllers, so no wires to constantly be fussing with, rearranging, or tripping over. And while there are bang-bang-shoot-'em-up games available, the real fun for G and I has been with the interactive Wii Sports games. To be fair, I did grab a Star Wars 'Light Sabre Duels' disk, and the James Bond 'Quantum of Solace' disk, but the Wii Sports is getting all the play.
When I say that it is 'interactive', I mean that it is the one gaming system that gets you off the couch and on your feet to play. The remote controllers, and they way they interface with the game actually demand that you get physical with the game. The controllers have some sort of sensor in them that tracks where you are holding it, relative to the TV, plus it tracks how fast you move it, what direction you move it, and even if you change the orientation of it while you are moving it. The golf game has you swinging like you where swinging a golf club, the tennis game has you moving and swinging, and flicking your wrist for a little extra zing, bowling requires something approximating a proper swing/release and allows for backspin and topspin through changing the orientation of the controller in your hand, and the boxing game has you really punching. You will work up a sweat... its seems to be good cardio! We played with older brother and sister-in-law on the weekend, and it was a lot of fun... especially when the sister-in-law really got into the boxing game! Holy cow! You should have seen her! Talk about repressed aggression! And last night the girls were over for dinner, and they seemed to have a blast with it as well.
We have now added a Wii Fit module to the game console... not entirely configured yet, but it shows true promise. It has a yoga programme, a basic fitness (strength and cardio) and several balance programmes embedded.
I have noticed that the demand it puts on my movement is very similar to a number of the stretching exercises that my physiotherapist assigned to get my shoulder back in shape... I can really understand why the unit is becoming a big hit in seniors' lodges.
With even the limited games that we have at the moment, I would recommend this gaming system to anyone! It engages everyone in the household... together or separately. Definitely worth a look... and it is relatively inexpensive!
The actual machine, the 'console', is small... its actually smaller than some books I have. There are no wires from the console to the controllers, so no wires to constantly be fussing with, rearranging, or tripping over. And while there are bang-bang-shoot-'em-up games available, the real fun for G and I has been with the interactive Wii Sports games. To be fair, I did grab a Star Wars 'Light Sabre Duels' disk, and the James Bond 'Quantum of Solace' disk, but the Wii Sports is getting all the play.
When I say that it is 'interactive', I mean that it is the one gaming system that gets you off the couch and on your feet to play. The remote controllers, and they way they interface with the game actually demand that you get physical with the game. The controllers have some sort of sensor in them that tracks where you are holding it, relative to the TV, plus it tracks how fast you move it, what direction you move it, and even if you change the orientation of it while you are moving it. The golf game has you swinging like you where swinging a golf club, the tennis game has you moving and swinging, and flicking your wrist for a little extra zing, bowling requires something approximating a proper swing/release and allows for backspin and topspin through changing the orientation of the controller in your hand, and the boxing game has you really punching. You will work up a sweat... its seems to be good cardio! We played with older brother and sister-in-law on the weekend, and it was a lot of fun... especially when the sister-in-law really got into the boxing game! Holy cow! You should have seen her! Talk about repressed aggression! And last night the girls were over for dinner, and they seemed to have a blast with it as well.
We have now added a Wii Fit module to the game console... not entirely configured yet, but it shows true promise. It has a yoga programme, a basic fitness (strength and cardio) and several balance programmes embedded.
I have noticed that the demand it puts on my movement is very similar to a number of the stretching exercises that my physiotherapist assigned to get my shoulder back in shape... I can really understand why the unit is becoming a big hit in seniors' lodges.
With even the limited games that we have at the moment, I would recommend this gaming system to anyone! It engages everyone in the household... together or separately. Definitely worth a look... and it is relatively inexpensive!
Friday, January 23, 2009
That thing on the end of my nose? Not cancerous!
Over a week ago, Tuesday, January 13, 2009 to be precise, I saw Dr. Groot about the growth on the end of my nose. And, guess what? It was a wart after all! And with a very theatrical flourish, he dispensed a puff of his magic spray (liquid nitrogen)… I’m pretty sure that I was in the same room with him for less than 5 minutes. Very personable guy, but the conversation, the actual consultation was extremely superficial.
The wart and surrounding skin behaves as if it has been burned. Within two days the external wart fell off while I was washing my face… and it was a gentle scrub at that. The skin around the site blistered and scabbed. Three or four days later the scab came off with a gentle tug. Today there is a small, red blemish. I expect that to be gone within days.
The wart and surrounding skin behaves as if it has been burned. Within two days the external wart fell off while I was washing my face… and it was a gentle scrub at that. The skin around the site blistered and scabbed. Three or four days later the scab came off with a gentle tug. Today there is a small, red blemish. I expect that to be gone within days.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Latest Swallow Tests... the videos
On December 23, 2008 I visited with Irene at iRSM, once called COMPRU, at the Misericordia Hospital for my one year post surgical swallow and speech assessment. What I have posted here are two of the fluoroscope movies that they made of me swallowing various 'weights' of things... all infused with barium so that it shows up. Thank you to Irene for sending me the clips!
This first clip is a bit dark, and a wee bit difficult to see anything unless you know what you are looking for... I will try to lighten it before I post it on the website.
In this shot, I am facing to your left. You will see my jaw open, the liquid go in, and then the route it takes down my throat. If the image is bright enough on your monitor, you will be able to see how my tongue works, and the musculature in my mouth/throat. You also should see the little flap that opens and closes to protect the windpipe as food and drink head for the oesophagus. Just keep an eye on that bit of a void above the windpipe...
This second clip is a bit easier to see, what you can see is evidence of my primary complaint. When I swallow anything with a 'heavy' or 'full' consistency, in this example its a barium infused pudding, some of the material gets trapped on a ledge above my windpipe. According to Irene, this is not that unusual with the type of surgery that I have had. This is supposed to be comforting?
For those of you who have eaten with me lately, you may begin to understand why I consume so much liquid with my meals... the first video shows simple liquids sliding right on through; this second video shows why I need to be constantly washing the food down. It is more than just the 'dry mouth' issues, which are not to be discounted, but, with the shelving effect seen in the videos, contribute to an interesting challenge.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Be it resolved...
...that I will spend two hours per week painting, drawing or potting.
...that I will spend two hours per week writing.
...that I will spend two hours per week reading fiction... good fiction.
...that I will see one live theatre piece per month.
...that I will get a Wii... my guilty pleasure for the year...
...that I will spend two hours per week writing.
...that I will spend two hours per week reading fiction... good fiction.
...that I will see one live theatre piece per month.
...that I will get a Wii... my guilty pleasure for the year...
Friday, January 02, 2009
After an afternoon of exploring various electronics shops pricing plasma tvs of varying sizes and configurations for Scott's studio, and a separate one for their home, Scott drove me half way up the mountain that West Vancouver huddles at the foot of (Grouse Mountain?) to take in the view... unfortunately I didn't have either one of our cameras with me and was reduced to taking photos with my Blackberry...
This first photo is with the ubiquitous Scott and the Greater Vancouver Area in the background, with the inner harbour, etc; a view looking southeast.
This second photo is looking southwesterly-ish... the peninsula beyond the ships is the University of British Columbia, and the ships are in the outer harbour. These ships are ocean going cargo ships... which should give you an idea of the size of them, and therefore the scale of the view in the photo... lovely, eh?
One of the things that I have been a bit evangelistic about while I've been out here is the idea of digital eReaders. I dragged first Gordon, and now Scott off to Sony Style stores to get them to have a look at the Sony version of the eReader. The digital book is a concept who's time has just about come... Gordon seemed interested because of the amount of sales related information that could be uploaded and maintained without needed to carry around bulky product binders, while the hook with Scott seems to be the advantage it may offer to his aged mother. And me, I just want something that allows me to carry lots of books, both for reference and entertainment in a convenient, lightweight format that still allows me to make notes, add bookmarks and flip through quickly. The only thing about the current crop of eReaders out there today is that the best ones don't come in colour. Sure, they use something called eINK technology, which is very good, but they don't reproduce colour photos/drawings/charts in anything but gray scale.
I may have to hold out for another six months to a year...
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy New Year!
Nothing really important to say today, just to wish everyone a Happy New Year...
We spent New Year's Eve at a small dinner party with friends in West Vancouver, hosted by Scott and Cheryl Swan. In attendance was the lovely and talented Merrilyn Gann, and we were joined later in the evening by the Mayor of the District of North Vancouver, Richard Walton and his wife, Celeste. The accomplishments of some of our friends never fails to amaze and amuse me...
We spent New Year's Eve at a small dinner party with friends in West Vancouver, hosted by Scott and Cheryl Swan. In attendance was the lovely and talented Merrilyn Gann, and we were joined later in the evening by the Mayor of the District of North Vancouver, Richard Walton and his wife, Celeste. The accomplishments of some of our friends never fails to amaze and amuse me...
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